You write to say that you have become frustrated with so many dualities of the material world and that sometimes you are engaged in sense gratification and sometimes renouncing. This is called bhoga-tyaga, or alternating between sense gratification and renunciation. A living entity cannot remain steady in one or the other because changes are going on. That is the nature of the material world. Just like the businessman who works so hard the whole week long and then on the weekend takes rest and tries to forget his business. But bhakti, or devotional service, does not change. It does not even finish with the end of the body, but it continues eternally. And it is joyfully performed. At first, though, there may be some inconveniences, but we must tolerate them and we shall realize the goal. Krishna says in Bhagavad-gita that such rules and regulations in the beginning may be just like poison but at the end are like nectar and they awaken one to self-realization. (B.G. 18/37). So strictly follow all the regulative principles, chant Hare Krishna Mantra regularly, 16 rounds daily, and your rapid advancement in Krishna Consciousness will be certain.
I have received Sriman Jagadisa's recommendation for your initiation and I am glad to accept you as my disciple. You can send your beads here or if you would like tulasi wood beads then send $5.00 to cover cost and shipping charges and I shall send the beads to you after having duly chanted on them.