Prabhupāda: So this makara-dhvaja, I think not acting.
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: It's not acting? How can you tell so soon?
Prabhupāda: Hm?
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: How can you tell so soon? How are you able to tell so soon after taking? Wouldn't it take a few days to feel the results?
Prabhupāda: Things are deteriorating.
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: You can feel that? You can feel things deteriorated? In what respect, Śrīla Prabhupāda?
Prabhupāda: Weakness.
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Weakness.
Bhavānanda: But, Śrīla Prabhupāda, you've been sitting up now for almost forty-five minutes.
Śatadhanya: I think this is the first time that Your Divine Grace has sat up for such a long time.
Bhavānanda: And also this morning you were making effort to move your legs, which you've never done since I've been here. I was thinking... Of course... Just from my observation, I was thinking that you were feeling a little bit stronger today. And Śatadhanya Mahārāja also thought that you were appearing to be stronger. Usually you're not able to sit up for such a long period of time, and you're sitting up by yourself. Usually you lean on my hand for support. But this morning you're...
Śatadhanya: In fact, we all said the same thing.
Prabhupāda: Hm?
Śatadhanya: We all were thinking the same thing, that you look stronger, a little bit.
Bhavānanda: And also, Śrīla Prabhupāda, your suggestion that you wanted to go on parikrama, we also thought, was an indication that you must be feeling a little stronger. In initial stage of taking this medicine it has to take some time before it even can begin to equalize a deteriorating situation, what to speak of making positive gains in strength. The medicine first has to act to stop the deterioration. Even that takes some time. Then, once it's equalized and maintain that, then it will work to build the body. If you're feeling, though, that you're deteriorating condition, then perhaps we shouldn't go on the parikrama this morning.
Prabhupāda: No, parikrama I shall go.
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Śrīla Prabhupāda? You expected to immediately get some result by taking this makara-dhvaja?
Prabhupāda: I am already puzzled? Mixed-up.(?)
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: You said you're puzzled, Śrīla Prabhupāda? You said you're puzzled?
Prabhupāda: Ātreya Ṛṣi?
Ātreya Ṛṣi: Yes, Śrīla Prabhupāda?
Prabhupāda: I am puzzled.
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: If you continue to desire to live, Śrīla Prabhupāda... If you continue to desire to live, then Kṛṣṇa will fulfill your desire.
Prabhupāda: In this condition I do not wish to live.
Pañca-draviḍa: The purpose of this medicine, though, Śrīla Prabhupāda, is to cure the condition.
Prabhupāda: Hm?
Pañca-draviḍa: The purpose of this medicine is to cure this condition and bring you back to good health. It's not to continue in this bad condition but to bring you to a good condition. That is our hope, that you will regain your strength. There is an English saying that "The night is the most dark right before the dawn." So now you are feeling this way. We are hoping that very soon the medicine will take some effect, and then you'll begin to feel stronger.
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: I was thinking yesterday that... You had wanted to go all over the world once again to strengthen our society. I was just thinking that since you're not going, the society is coming here to be with you. And simply by being with you everybody is becoming stronger. Simply by contacting you, taking care of you, helping to take care of you, they're all advancing in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. And I think that anyone who has your association, Śrīla Prabhupāda, will never fall away from Kṛṣṇa consciousness. And you're also instructing and translating every day. For the first time, devotees are allowed to be near you while you're translating and hear you speak. I don't think your existence has no value. There's so much value even now.
Pañca-draviḍa: If the devotees are staying away, it is not because you are poisonous. It is because we are poisonous. I know due to my sinful habits I am so poisonous that when I'm in your presence I feel so contaminated and unworthy of being in the sight of such a person as yourself that I feel that I should be in some corner hiding like some... I am so impure that I cannot stand in front of you. It is not because I feel that you are poisonous, Śrīla Prabhupāda. I am poisonous.
Ātreya Ṛṣi: That's very true, Śrīla Prabhupāda.
Pañca-draviḍa: You are a pure devotee of Kṛṣṇa, and your whole life is simply dedicated to the propagation of Kṛṣṇa's teachings all over the world, whereas my whole life is simply dedicated to sense gratification. So therefore, when I come in front of a person such as yourself, I feel ashamed.
Bhavānanda: It is true, Śrīla Prabhupāda, that if you lose your desire to remain here, then no medicine can be effective. But if you desire to remain, then the medicine can become effective.
Prabhupāda: No, in this way to remain—not desirable. Every day, crisis.