Then he says that prema-rathana-dhana helāya hārāiṅu. Spiritual life means to develop real love. The... Everyone says love. There are so many signboards, so many papers, "love, love." But there is no love. This is illusion. It is all lust. Love for intoxication, love for sex, love for this... This is going on. So actual love means... Love, this word, can be applicable only with Kṛṣṇa, with God. Because we are created for that purpose. To love means to love Kṛṣṇa. So that is wanted. That is spiritual love. So prema-rathana. I could achieve that transcendental position of love, but I am neglecting. Therefore I am calling my spiritual death. And these things are happening due to my past misdeeds. Due to my past deeds, misdeeds, I have got a type of body. Everyone who has got this material body, it is due to past misdeeds. The... sometimes we call pious deeds. Actually, so long one gets this material body there is no pious deeds. Pious deeds means no more material body. That is pious deeds. Otherwise it is to be taken as a fact that even Brahmā, who is the chief living entity within this universe and has got a mass of years as duration of life, all power, still, that is also considered as misdeeds. Because he has got the material body. So we are going deep down and down, one after another, body, by our misdeeds. In the Bhāgavata also it is stated that they do not know that by this sense gratificatory process they will have another body. And the body is the cause of material pangs. Because I have got this body, therefore I feel headache, I feel stomachache. I feel this and that. But, as soon as we are out of this material body, there is no more material pangs. It is simply joyful life. Brahma-bhūtaḥ prasannātmā (BG 18.54). Prasannātmā means joyful. As soon as one gets spiritual life. So due to my past deeds, I am missing this opportunity. Apana kara mada seva...
And why it is happening? Sat-saṅga chāḍi khainu asatyera vilāsa. "I have given up the association of devotees, but I am associating with common nonsense men." Asatyera. Asat and sat. Sat means spirit. And asat means matter. So association of material attachment means implication in this material conditional life. So one has to make association with devotees. Satāṁ prasaṅgād mama vīrya-saṁvido. One can understand about God only in association of devotees. Therefore we are advocating this Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement, society. Actually, you'll find, one who comes to this society, by associating a few days, a few weeks, he becomes conscious and he comes forward for initiation and further advancement. So this association is very important. And the, those who are conducting different centers and temples, they should be very responsible men. Because everything will depend on their sincere activities and character. If they are insincere, then that will not be effective. One may come and associate with us, but if we are insincere, then it will be not be effective. But if the devotees are sincere, anyone who will come in contact with a devotee, he'll change. That is the secret. Sat-saṅga chāḍi asatyera vilāsa. And as soon as we give up the association of these devotees, immediately māyā will catch me. Immediately. Māyā is just side by side. As soon as we give up this company, māyā says "Yes, come in my company." Without any company, nobody can remain neutral. That is not possible. He must associate with māyā or Kṛṣṇa. So everyone should be very much serious to keep association with devotees, with Kṛṣṇa.
Kṛṣṇa means... When we speak of Kṛṣṇa, "Kṛṣṇa" means Kṛṣṇa with His devotes. Kṛṣṇa is never alone. Kṛṣṇa is with Rādhārāṇī. Rādhārāṇī is with the gopīs. And Kṛṣṇa is with the cowherd boys. We are not impersonalists. We do not see Kṛṣṇa alone. Similarly, Kṛṣṇa means with Kṛṣṇa's devotees. So Kṛṣṇa consciousness means to keep association with the devotees of Kṛṣṇa. Viṣaya viṣama viṣa satata khāinu. And he says that "I have drunk always the most dangerous poison of sense gratification." Viṣaya viṣama viṣa. Viṣaya means sense gratification. Eating, sleeping, mating, and defending. These are called... These four principles are called viṣaya. And viṣama means dangerously. And viṣa means poison. If one is simply engaged with these four principles of life, just like animals. Then it is to be supposed that he's simply drinking poison. That's all. Viṣaya viṣama satata khāinu. "I know this (is) poison, but I am so much intoxicated that I am drinking this poison every moment." Gaura-kīrtana-rase magana nā painu. "And I could not merge myself into the saṅkīrtana movement started by Lord Caitanya." Oh, that is actually the fact. Those who are too much attached to materialistic way of life, or always drinking the poison of sense gratification, they are not attracted by the saṅkīrtana movement.
So at the last, Narottama dāsa Ṭhākura is lamenting. He's not lamenting. He's representing ourself. If one comes to that point of lamentation, that is also very nice. He immediately becomes purified. Lamentation means purification. So he says, keno vā āchaya prāṇa kichu bali... "Why I am living? I do not make association with the devotees. I do not take part in the saṅkīrtana movement. I do not understand what is Kṛṣṇa. I do not understand what is Lord Caitanya. Then what for I am living?" This is lamentation. "What is my happiness? What is the standard of my happiness? Why I am living?" Narottama dāsa kena nā gela. "Why I did not die long, long ago? I should have died. What is the meaning of my living?" So it is not Narottama dāsa Ṭhākura's lamentation. Everyone of us should think like that, that "If we cannot make association with devotees, if we do not understand what is Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement, if we do not come in touch with Lord Caitanya and associates, it was better for me to die. And there is no other remedy."