One should not stay in a solitary place with a woman

Expressions researched:
"solitary place" |"woman" |"women"

SB Canto 4

SB 4.25.17, Translation and Purport:

On the outskirts of that city were many beautiful trees and creepers encircling a nice lake. Also surrounding that lake were many groups of birds and bees that were always chanting and humming.

Since the body is a great city, there must be various arrangements such as lakes and gardens for sense enjoyment. Of the various parts of the body, those which incite sexual impulses are referred to here indirectly. Because the body has genitals, when the living entity attains the right age—be he man or woman—he becomes agitated by the sex impulse. As long as one remains a child, he is not agitated by seeing a beautiful woman. Although the sense organs are present, unless the age is ripe there is no sex impulse. The favorable conditions surrounding the sex impulse are compared here to a garden or a nice solitary park. When one sees the opposite sex, naturally the sex impulse increases. It is said that if a man in a solitary place does not become agitated upon seeing a woman, he is to be considered a brahmacārī. But this practice is almost impossible. The sex impulse is so strong that even by seeing, touching or talking, coming into contact with, or even thinking of the opposite sex—even in so many subtle ways—one becomes sexually impelled. Consequently, a brahmacārī or sannyāsī is prohibited to associate with women, especially in a secret place. The śāstras enjoin that one should not even talk to a woman in a secret place, even if she happens to be one's own daughter, sister or mother. The sex impulse is so strong that even if one is very learned, he becomes agitated in such circumstances. If this is the case, how can a young man in a nice park remain calm and quiet after seeing a beautiful young woman?

SB Canto 6

SB 6.18.30, Translation and Purport:

In the beginning of creation, Lord Brahmā, the father of the living entities of the universe, saw that all the living entities were unattached. To increase population, he then created woman from the better half of man's body, for woman's behavior carries away a man's mind.

This entire universe is going on under the spell of sexual attachment, which was created by Lord Brahmā to increase the population of the entire universe, not only in human society but also in other species. As stated by Ṛṣabhadeva in the Fifth Canto, puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etam: (SB 5.5.8) the entire world is going on under the spell of sexual attraction and desire between man and woman. When man and woman unite, the hard knot of this attraction becomes increasingly tight, and thus a man is implicated in the materialistic way of life. This is the illusion of the material world. This illusion acted upon Kaśyapa Muni, although he was very learned and advanced in spiritual knowledge. As stated in the Manu-saṁhitā (2.215) and Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (9.19.17) :

mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā

nāviviktāsano bhavet

balavān indriya-grāmo

vidvāṁsam api karṣati

"A man should not associate with a woman in a solitary place, not even with his mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that they lead astray even a person advanced in knowledge." When a man remains in a solitary place with a woman, his sexual desires undoubtedly increase. Therefore the words ekānta-bhūtāni, which are used here, indicate that to avoid sexual desires one should avoid the company of women as far as possible. Sexual desire is so powerful that one is saturated with it if he stays in a solitary place with any woman, even his mother, sister or daughter.

Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures

Lecture on BG 1.40 -- London, July 28, 1973:

Prabhupāda: When people become neglectful of the family tradition and religious principles, adharma abhibhavāt kṛṣṇa praduṣyanti kula-striyaḥ (BG 1.40). Kula-striyaḥ. Kula-striyaḥ means... Kula means family, and striyaḥ means woman. So woman must be belonging to a respectable family. Therefore it is said: kula-striyaḥ. Not society-girls. Kula-striyaḥ. Of the family. We have got experience in our school, college days. I was sitting in a friend's house and one sweeper woman, sweeper, with broomstick and with, what is called, covering?

Devotee: Shawl.

Prabhupāda: She was standing, say, about twenty yards distant from our sitting place. So I asked my friend that: "Your, this sweeper woman wants to come in. She's waiting because we are sitting. She is ashamed to come. So let us come here." So we stood separately. That means although she was a sweeper woman, still we had to honor her to enter. We stood up separately. She was feeling that; "How can I go between two men?" This we have seen in our... So this is Vedic culture. Woman should not be allowed to mix with man. Not allowed. In Japan also, the same system. Before marriage, they can mix. But after marriage they cannot mix. In Japan also I have seen. But in India still the system is there. Woman, without husband, cannot talk with any man. That is also psychological. In the Bhāgavata it is stated that man is like ghee, butterpot, and woman is like fire. Therefore, as they, as soon as there is fire and butter pot, the butter pot must melt. Therefore they should be kept aside. These are the statements. And the śāstra says that in a solitary place you should not remain even with your daughter, even with your sister, even with your mother.

mātṛ-svasra-duhitravan

na viviktaḥ sanevaśet

balavān indriya-grāmo

vidvāṁs api karṣati

Either your mother or sister, or daughter. No, nobody becomes lusty with mother or sister or daughter. But śāstra says: "Even your mother or sister or daughter, you should not live in a solitary place." Then one may question that "How it is possible?" No. The śāstra says: balavān indriya-grāmaḥ. The senses are so strong that it becomes polluted. "Now it may be, some rascal fools may be polluted like that." No. Śāstra... Vidvāṁs api karṣati. Even the most learned, he can be polluted. So sometimes in India, I am criticized that I keep women and men in the same temple. In India, that is not allowed. No women can live at night. They can come and go. But I defend myself that this is the system of the country, the women and men, they intermingle. How can I check it? Then the women, shall I not give them any chance for chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa? No, I shall do this chance, I shall give this chance to woman even at the risk. That is my reply.

So therefore chastity is very, very important thing for producing good population, nice population. So unless the population is good... If the population becomes hippies, then how there can be any peace and prosperity? Therefore, to produce children, there is saṁskāra. First saṁskāra is Garbhādhāna saṁskāra. This is called kula-dharma. Garbhādhāna saṁskāra means when, especially the high caste, brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya especially...Not śūdra. Śūdra has no saṁskāra. Only the higher class, brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya and vaiśya. Vaiśya also sometimes no saṁskāra. But brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya must have saṁskāra. Daśa-vidhā saṁskārāḥ. Ten kinds of saṁskāra. One of the saṁskāra... Saṁskāra means purificatory method. One of the saṁskāra is also marriage. One must get married. So, before the child is given birth, there is a saṁskāra, what is called? Garbhādhāna saṁskāra. It is not that the husband and wife mix without any restriction and have sex life at any time. No. You know that, that mother of Hiraṇyakaśipu, Kaśyapa Muni, I think, father. So she, the woman became very much sexually excited and the husband replied that: "This is not time. This is very bad time, evening. Why you are insisting?" But she was too much lusty, and because the husband was obliged, Hiraṇyakaśipu was born, a demon was born. Therefore there is Garbhādhāna saṁskāra, to find out when the husband and wife should mix and give birth to a child. Therefore in the Bhagavad-gītā you'll see that sex life which is according to the principle of religious ideas, that is "I am." So sex life is not bad, provided it is executed according to the religious principles. So Garbhādhāna saṁskāra... Just, what is the idea? The idea is the child born must be first class. He'll be able to become Kṛṣṇa conscious. He'll be able to understand the śāstras, the Vedas. He must have the good brain. These were the ideas. But if they are not born in that way, like cats and dog, that is called varṇa-saṅkara. Varṇa-saṅkara. You cannot specify whether he's a brāhmaṇa or a kṣatriya and vaiśya and śūdra. That is called varṇa-saṅkara. So varṇa-saṅkara population is not good. Varṇa-saṅkara. No caste. No designation, no definition to which class this man belongs.

So at the present moment, because these purificatory processes are not accepted, even in India... Accepted, they're unable. Everything has topsy-turvied. Therefore the śāstra says that: "Accept everyone as śūdra." Kalau śūdraḥ sambhava. There is no more brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya or vaiśya. All śūdras. We have to accept.

Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures

Lecture on SB 7.12.1 -- Bombay, April 12, 1976:

If one is devotee, then he does not like anything material. And the sex enjoyment is the topmost pleasure in this material world. So naturally one who is devotee, he doesn't require to practice brahmācārya separately-paraṁ dṛṣṭvā nivartate (BG 9.59)—because sex pleasure may be very nice in this material world, but when one gets a sense of spiritual pleasure, then this pleasure becomes abominable. It is said by Yamunācārya,

yad-avadhi mama cetaḥ kṛṣṇa-padāravindayor

nava-nava-dhāmany (udyataṁ) rantum āsīt

tad-avadhi bata nārī-saṅgame (smaryamāne)

bhavati mukha-vikāraḥ suṣṭu niṣṭhīvanaṁ ca

"Since I have begun to understand Kṛṣṇa consciousness and getting relish, then, since then, when I think of...," bata nārī-saṅgame, "sex pleasure with woman, I spite on it and my mouth becomes curved, 'Eh,' like that."

Actually it is the position, but because we are under the spell of māyā, we are captivated, bewildered, that after sex life, not only human being, but anyone who is living within this material world, beginning from Brahmā down to the smallest insect, everyone is after sex life. We have heard that even Lord Śiva, Lord Brahmā, they became sexually excited. It is said that Lord Brahmā was enchanted by daughter, what to speak of others. This material world is so, I mean to say, bewildering, that sometimes the first-class person also becomes bewildered by sex life. Therefore it is strictly prohibited that one should not remain in a solitary place with woman even though the woman is mother, sister or daughter. This is the injunction of the śāstra. Mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā na viviktāsane vāset, balavān indriya-grāmo vidvaṁsam api karṣati (SB 9.19.17). This is the order, that mātrā... Mātrā means "along with mother," svasrā mean "along with sister," and duhitrā means "along with daughter." "One should not sit down in a solitary place even with mother, sister or daughter."

So one may be surprised, that "Nobody becomes agitated, sitting before mother, sister or daughter." But śāstra says, "No, no. They are agitated." Then you can say, "Maybe agitates some fool rascal." "No." Vidvaṁsam api karṣati: "Even though one is very advanced, learned, they also become agitated." Therefore you should be very, very careful. Very, very careful. And another place is, another... Just like in our society, compulsorily we have to mix with women—not only women, very beautiful young girls. But if one is not agitated even in this association of beautiful women and girls, then he is to be considered paramahaṁsa. He is very advanced. Those who are not... Paramahaṁsa means he's above all these material qualities.

So we cannot avoid in our Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement. That was the problem from the very beginning. In India there is restriction between men and women, free intermingling, but in your country there is no such restriction. Therefore I got my disciples married. They criticize me that I have become a marriage-maker. Anyway, I wanted at least to regulate. That is required. Dharmāviruddhaḥ kāmo 'smi. Kṛṣṇa also says. Now, a married man also can be brahmacārī. If a married man stick to one wife, and before sex, if he takes permission from his spiritual master, then he is brahmacārī. Not whimsically. When the spiritual master orders him that "Now you can beget a child," then he is brahmacārī. Śrīla Vira-Rāghava Ācārya, he has described in his comment that there are two kinds of brahmacārī. One brahmacārī is naiṣṭhikī-brahmacārī; he doesn't marry. And another brahmacārī is... Although he marries, he is fully under control of the spiritual master, even for sex. He is also brahmacārī.

So why so much restriction on the sex life? The people do not understand throughout the whole world. They are captivated by sex life, especially in the Western countries. Puṁsāṁ-striyaṁ-mithunī-bhavam etat. Material existence means a desire of sex life, both man and woman. Puṁsāṁ-striyaṁ-mithunī-bhavam etat. Not only in human society, in animal society, in bird society, everywhere, that is material life. Tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. And when they are united for this purpose, a man and woman, they... We are already attached to the material activities. Then our attachment becomes more and more strong. Tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. Then, out of this attachment, ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta vittair janasya moho 'yam ahaṁ mameti (SB 5.5.8). In this way, being united, then they want gṛha, apartment, to live together. Then they want some land. Formerly there was no service. The gṛhastha used to produce the food grains from the land. Neither there was factories or big, big offices to get job. One had to produce his own food from the land. So simply apartment will not help. I must require some land for eating. Gṛha-kṣetra-sūta. Then we desire for some children. Sūta, āpta, then friends. Sūta, āpta. Ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta vittaiḥ. But all these establishment can be maintained by money only. Then money. Then, in this way, gradually, janasya moho 'ham. We are already bewildered. We are attached to this material world, but when we are united, man and woman together, our attachment for this material world becomes increased.