Once upon a time, Bāṇāsura came to offer his respects to Lord Śiva. By touching the lotus feet of Lord Śiva with his helmet, which was shining like the sun globe, he offered his obeisances unto him. While offering his respectful obeisances, Bāṇāsura said, "My dear lord, anyone who has not fulfilled his ambition will be able to do so by taking shelter of your lotus feet, which are just like a desire tree from which one can take anything he desires. My dear lord, you have given me one thousand arms, but I do not know what to do with them. They are simply a burden; I cannot use them properly in fighting, since I cannot find anyone competent to fight with me except your lordship, the original father of the material world. Sometimes I feel a great tendency to fight with my arms, and I go out to find a suitable warrior. Unfortunately, everyone flees, knowing my extraordinary power. Being baffled at not finding a match, I satisfy the itching of my arms by beating them against the mountains. In this way, I tear many great mountains to pieces."
I do not know what to do
Sri Caitanya-caritamrta
CC Adi-lila
"Since that time, my tongue also always vibrates the sound 'Hari, Hari.' I have no desire to say it, but still my tongue says it. I do not know what to do."
Sometimes demoniac nonbelievers, not understanding the potency of the holy name, make fun of the Vaiṣṇavas when the Vaiṣṇavas chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra. This joking is also beneficial for such persons. Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, Sixth Canto, Second Chapter, verse 14, indicates that the chanting of the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra, even in joking, in the course of ordinary discussion, in indicating something extraneous, or in negligence, is called nāmābhāsa, which is chanting that is almost on the transcendental stage. This nāmābhāsa stage is better than nāmāparādha. Nāmābhāsa awakens the supreme remembrance of Lord Viṣṇu. When one remembers Lord Viṣṇu, he becomes free from material enjoyment. Thus he gradually comes forward toward the transcendental service of the Lord and becomes eligible to chant the holy name of the Lord in the transcendental position.
CC Madhya-lila
"My dear Kṛṣṇa, only You and I know the strength of Your beautiful features and, because of them, My unsteadiness. Now, this is My position; I do not know what to do or where to go. Where can I find You? I am asking You to give directions."
Other Books by Srila Prabhupada
Krsna, The Supreme Personality of Godhead
Lectures
Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures
We should be inquisitive about "What I am." This is the first inquiry. Athāto brahma jijñāsā. This is called brahma-jijñāsā. So Nārada Muni is instructing Vyāsadeva that "You have already inquired..." Because he's the spiritual master, he knows how Vyāsadeva inquired and how learned he was, how he studied very seriously. Everything known. Therefore he's asking, jijñāsitam adhītaṁ ca brahma: "You have inquired very elaborately about Brahman, and you have studied about the subject matter Brahman, sanātanam, eternal, athāpi śocasi, but still, I see that you are morose. You are not happy." Śocasy ātmānam akṛtārtha iva prabho. Akṛtārtha means "Of this you have done nothing." Just like a foolish man sometimes, in very grave thought that "What is the ultimate goal of my life? I do not know what to do," so "You are thinking like that."
Tasyaiva hetoḥ prayateta kovido (SB 1.5.18). That business can be done very perfectly well when, mahat-sevāṁ dvāram āhur vimuktes, when we associate with mahātmā. It doesn't matter whether he's a sannyāsī or gṛhastha, he must be mahātmā. Mahātmā means one who has got relationship with Kṛṣṇa. That is described in the Bhagavad..., mahātmānas tu māṁ pārtha daivīṁ prakṛtim āśritāḥ, bhajanty ananya-manaso (BG 9.13), that is mahātmā. You cannot stamp anybody and become a mahātmā. No. Mahātmā's sign is, mahātmānas tu māṁ pārtha daivīṁ prakṛtim āśritāḥ, bhajanty ananya-manaso (BG 9.13). He has no other business. Simply he has only one business: how to please Kṛṣṇa. That is mahātmā. Ānukūlyena, just like Arjuna did. Arjuna did not like to fight. He completely denied, he set aside his arrows and bows, became very morose, and then he asked Kṛṣṇa, "I am now puzzled, you can give me instruction, what is my duty, because kārpaṇya doṣa upahata svabhāvaḥ. Actually my, it is duty, my duty, that uh I am kṣatriya, and there is fight, battlefield, I should take advantage of it, but still, kārpaṇya doṣa upahata svabhāvaḥ. I am going against my nature, so I do not know what to do, please instruct." Śiṣyas te 'haṁ śādhi māṁ prapannam (BG 2.7).
Conversations and Morning Walks
1975 Conversations and Morning Walks
Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: What we will do is now we're going to be producing surplus from our income. That surplus is going to be used for fixing up...
Prabhupāda: That is "to be." I am speaking what is done. That I am speaking. That is "to be." The "to be" is going on for the last so many years. Now you utilize... You are getting money, but still "to be." You are getting so much money, daily income, two hundred rupees, three hundred rupees. Still "to be." You do not know what will be the actual solution. So many big, big heads, and there is no solution. I do not know what to do. So many things unfinished.
Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: So far, there wasn't any surplus. Now there's a surplus...
Prabhupāda: Where is the surplus?
Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: Now it will start coming. Now it is... From Jhulan-yātrā our income has picked up.
Prabhupāda: But you have got money?
Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: Now we will have a surplus.
Prabhupāda: You'll... Again "to be."
Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: End of this month.
Prabhupāda: Again "to be." Again, at the end of this month, again "to be." Again "will be." Say "We have no money." That's all. Why do you say indirectly? "It will be." So many managers and so many discrepancies.
With big belly a monkey comes forward, and if you ask him, "Jump over like Hanumānji," finished, belly finished. These are Bengali words. Baro baro badare baro baro pet laṅka dingake mata kare het. "I cannot do it." And why you have got so much belly? So this is not good. Make plan. You'll go on plan-making. Oh, you'll never be done. What can be done? I want to get rid of the management, but when I see, I have to see the management, how can I remain stopped? As soon as I see things are mismanaged, I have to say. I am not dumb. So this is the... And you report that "Everything is first class." What is this first class? Do you know meaning of first class? This is first class?
Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: I'm sorry. I...
Prabhupāda: That's all. You simply become sorry and everything is finished. That's all. I do not know what to do. (break) ... whatever you like. Whatever like, what can I do? (Bengali conversation) So what are you going to do about this finishing? Everything... (Hindi?)
Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: We'll start getting it done now.
Prabhupāda: How you'll do? You say you have no money. How you'll do it? Whole money is going to the stomach. All ghee, all money, everything. And becoming sick and sleepy. Whole day and night sleep. I do not know when it will be finished. What is the use of starting another Gurukula? Whatever you have taken, that is not yet finished. All savvy(?). And your report is, "Everything is all right." Everything is all right except nothing is finished. So I do not know how to do. There was shops made, and why it is closed again?
Correspondence
1967 Correspondence
Now my staying in your country is increased for two years at least and while I am here (U.S.A.) we can work tremendously by working ourselves on the above scheme. Let us take help from Krishna by honestly working for Him than on utopian theories. Even there are three centres I can move everywhere without any tiresome feeling. I can stay one month in each centre every quarterly and see things going in order.
I hope you will try to understand my view point and let me know how do you appreciate the scheme.
Neal has arrived here yesterday evening and he feels jolly. Please send me all the tapes that are lying there. I hope you will realize the repairing charges for Dictaphone. There is again some defect in the microphone. It is not rewinding by pushing the finger clip. I do not know what to do. I hope you have by this time cleared off the consignments per M.V.Jaladuta from India. And I shall be glad to know how you have received the goods.
And we have another Mr. Ypslantin. Mr. Goldsmith suggested that he would take $200.00 and we have already paid him $300,00 and still he wants $150.00. But we need immediately permanent visa. Without it I think I cannot go to Canada because as soon as I leave the border of U.S.A. the bill pending in the congress on my behalf will be automatically cancelled. So I will have to take new Visa from Canada for entering USA of which we cannot say any thing what they will decide. In any case I will have to go to Canada by the end of April as it is already arranged and if it is possible to get the permanent residence Visa. I think we may pay Mr. Ypslantin further $150.00. If not then I do not know what to do. Better consult our other Lawyer friends. What can I advice more. Man's artificial civilisation has created so many artificial laws that we, although God's men, have difficulties to travel in God's countries on God's business. The foolish law makers should have at least given us some facilities to make people Krishna conscious so that they might be happy in this life and in the next. The Kingdom of Maya is like that and still we have to execute our business in Krishna Consciousness.
1968 Correspondence
Regarding the 1000 records: Please do not dispatch them until you hear from me. I have written several letters to Mr. Dalmia, Acyutananda, and Jaya Govinda, but I have heard nothing from them still. So, unless I hear from them, do not export the records. Please write to Acyutananda and Jaya Govinda whether they can distribute the records free to respectable Indian gentlemen, and collect some contributions for purchasing Deities, to be installed in our several temples. For the last 2 weeks I have received no reply from them. I do not know what they are doing there. I thought Jaya Govinda would be intelligent enough to cooperate with Acyutananda, but he is also silent. I do not know what to do with them.
I hope by this time you have received two copies of photos I have sent you through Sri Somnath Dhar. Now with reference to your letter no. SANF/CONS/384/68 addressed to Mr. A.C. Misra, Attache, High Commission of India, Ottawa, Canada, I beg to inform you that they have sent me a wrong passport and returned back the postal order in order that I may receive the certificates from your office. In this connection they write to say as follows: "As you are no longer living within our jurisdiction, you are advised to contact our San Francisco office for police clearance and birth certificate." Please therefore issue these certificates per bearer and he will pay the required fees.
I do not know what to do with this wrong passport. The copy of the letter which I have addressed to Mr. Misra in this connection is also enclosed herewith. Kindly therefore do the needful immediately as I want both the passport and certificate very urgently, and I am simply waiting for them. I am sending my disciple Sriman Cidananda Brahmacari (Mr. Clay Harrold) to see you, and please advise him what to do.
The next point is what about Acyutananda and Jaya Govinda? I have not heard from them since a very long time. You should immediately write to them why they have become silent all of a sudden. It is not good for them to remain in India as guests of this person or that person, without doing something tangible for our society. Acyutananda wanted to come back, so it was very welcome suggestion. But I think he might have changed his decision again. I do not know what to do with this boy. And if they want to remain in India, they must do something tangible work for our society. If not, they may come back. There is vast work here. And recently I have received letter from Mukunda that from South America, Guyana, it was under the possession of British, one Mr. Dindayal is very much anxious to get us there. So we have to open so many branches all over the world. So why they are sitting idly in India? Please write to them also.
1969 Correspondence
Regarding Karatieya, I am sorry to inform you that all of a sudden he has been captivated by maya, and since yesterday, he has left my company. The day before yesterday afternoon, he was absent for more than three hours and when he came back, he explained that he was out walking in the street. Later on, it was found that he went to see a Christian priest who had impressed upon his mind that one can drink wine after offering it to Lord Christ on the first Friday of every month. I had been informed by Karatieya that before his coming to our Krishna Consciousness camp he was drinking too much. So now he wanted to give me evidence that drinking was good when it is offered to Lord Christ. I tried to convince him that drinking is not at all good. The very fact that one should drink on the first Friday of each month means it is rigidly restricted; one can drink only once every month, but in the case of bread, it is said that one should pray daily for bread from the Lord. In this way there was some remonstration, but he was silently hearing from me while being not at all satisfied. I understood from Purusottama that the whole night he was not satisfied. The next morning, that was yesterday, Tamala was talking with me and I asked him to keep Karatieya for some time in his Kirtana Party. But Karatieya got immediately upset, and just within 15 minutes, he took away his bags and baggage and phoned his sister and went to her place. This morning, Sudama phoned him that if you do not like to live in the temple, you can come back and live with Swamiji. But he has not come back. Therefore, for the time being, it is to be understood that he is victimized by the stroke of maya. I do not know what is awaiting his future lot, but I am sure that his service to Krishna and to his Spiritual Master will not go in vain. But individual independence and maya are so strong that they can stop progress at any moment. So long as he was here, he was taking care of me very nicely, and I am very much obliged to him. I simply said that he may live for some time with the Sankirtana Party, and he became upset. So I do not know what to do.
I am very glad to send you the beads for your initiation, but I think you wanted permission from your father, and I have received the following telegram from him: "Gopala Khanna at Montreal our only son pray his initiation to brahmanahood will doom and driven future of this small humble family. Pray abandon programme and earn our gratitude, cable. Accepting our prayers Lord bless every one and give us our joy back.—Mr. and Mrs. A. S. Khanna Aban Villa Santacruz East."
I do not know why you had wanted permission from your father. In the material world everyone is interested in pound-shilling-pence. Your parents must be thinking that upon your being initiated you shall become a mendicant and the pound-shilling-pence you are sending will be stopped, and they will suffer materially. But you can assure them they will be better off materially after you are initiated. Anyway, now I do not know what to do with you. Shall I wait till you get sanction from your parents, or shall I initiate immediately? In my opinion, because you wanted permission of your parents, you should wait at least for such time when your parents will permit you. But if you are strongly desirous, then you can disregard your father's desire and make advancement in Krishna Consciousness. On hearing from you I will do the needful.
I beg to thank you very much for your letter of August 3rd, 1969, and I have noted the contents carefully. In further reference to your question about the form of the spirit soul of the conditioned living entity, there is a spiritual form always, but it develops fully only when the living entity goes back to Vaikuntha. This form develops according to the desire of the living entity. Until this perfectional stage is reached, the form is lying dormant like the form of the tree is lying dormant in the seed. Regarding the higher school of theology, according to the Vedic system it is not at all difficult. The students are taught by the Spiritual Master, or the teacher, and the students themselves go from door to door for begging alms, and because everyone's son is in the asrama, nobody declines to give alms. So there is no financial difficulty at all; but I do not know what to do in your country. There are so many laws. We have to adjust things to the circumstances. I think as soon as our institution becomes formal, as Tamala Krishna is doing through the lawyer, it will be easier to start a theological school.
1970 Correspondence
You have written to say that they must also write to Madhava Maharaja. I cannot understand what do you mean by this. They are not known to Madhava Maharaja, so how they can write directly to Madhava Maharaja? Neither I wish to overburden Madhava Maharaja with further addition of my disciples in his temple. This is a very delicate point. Better you can ask Madhava Maharaja whether he is willing to receive further members of our camp in his temple.
Therefore, I wanted that when we get our own place, the Brahmacaris may go.
Regarding long visa, as you say that you can arrange or advise how they shall apply for it. Sriman Nanda Kumar Brahmacari and Jayapataka Brahmacari are ready to start. So I do not know what to do in this connection. I do not think that writing to Madhava Maharaja for their accommodation from here will be right thing. Better verbally you can ask him whether he will allow two other Brahmacaris to stay there.
I am in due receipt of your letter dated 8th April, 1970, which was addressed to my New York office. I am so sorry to learn that there is a sort of conspiracy by some of our God-brothers as not to give me a place at Mayapur. I do not wish to argue on this point, but according to your advice I have already sent a telegram to Acyutananda Brahmacari and an urgent letter also requesting him to purchase the land of Jabed Ali almost a fortnight ago, but I have received no reply til now.
So I do not know what to do in this connection. The money is there, the sanction is there, the land is there, and still if it does not take place, I shall understand it that this is not the desire of Srila Prabhupada.
1973 Correspondence
I am in due receipt of your two letters dated 25.4 and 26.4 and have noted the contents carefully. I have noted that you have said about there being new law that licensee is tenant or owner. I do not know what to do on this, but the fact is that we are the proprietor. In the contract it states that we must pay Rs. 2 lacs and within the first year then the conveyance must be given, the another Rs. 2 lacs the next year thereafter up to 14 lacs being paid. So the first 2 lacs they've already taken from us, so the transaction is completed. Tactfully they did not give us the conveyance. So now they have given neither conveyance or returned our money, but the deal is completed. So when they shall give the conveyance, then we shall pay the balance.
1975 Correspondence
I am in due receipt of your telegram reading as follows (dated Jan. 25th, 1975): NEED SANCTION LETTER FROM PRABHUPADA FOR MANAGING OTHER EUROPEAN TEMPLES FORWARD TO PARIS GERMANY—BHAGAVANDAS. So far our movement is concerned, actually it is not a so-called religion movement. People throughout the whole world are more or less disgusted with the man-made religious systems. Therefore the government of different states is gradually banning the preaching of religion. People in general also think that this is also another type of so-called religion. So, gradually, they will take steps for banning our propaganda also, unless we present our system very scientifically based on philosophy. Of course, by Krishna's grace, the higher learned section is appreciating our books. That is the only hope for pushing on. But, I am very much depressed by the recent incidences in Germany. It is now evident that some of our top men are very much ambitious and there has been so many fall-downs. In his last letter, Hamsaduta said as follows: I am exhausted, my brain is exhausted, I do not know what to do, so you can just tell me what I should do and I shall do that . . . I cannot understand your mind or actions, I do not know what you divine grace wants, or what you want from me. So, at this moment I am just going to sit and chant till I hear from you, because everything till now has come out wrong, so please just instruct me what to do. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news again. Please forgive me, I am so helpless and spiritually weak. Please save me. What more can I say, please save me. In India you said, "Every rumor contains a grain of truth." So the police, the karmis, newspapers must also bear a grain of Truth. I feel discouraged now. All my godbrothers and your Divine Grace are dissatisfied with me, so I have lost my enthusiasm.
| Page Title: | I do not know what to do |
| Compiler: | MadhuGopaldas, Alakananda, Sureshwardas |
| Created: | 24 of May, 2010 |
| Totals by Section: | BG=0, SB=0, CC=2, OB=1, Lec=2, Con=-1, Let=12 |
| No. of Quotes: | 16 |