Conjugal love is divided into two categories-svakīya and parakīya. Svakīya refers to loving affairs between husband and wife, and parakīya refers to loving affairs between two lovers. There are a number of descriptions in this connection.
Between husband and wife
- 1 Srimad-Bhagavatam
- 2 Sri Caitanya-caritamrta
- 3 Other Books by Srila Prabhupada
- 4 Lectures
- 5 Conversations and Morning Walks
- 6 Correspondence
SB Canto 1
The embrace of the son is not exactly the embrace of husband and wife from the sexual point of view, but the embrace is satisfaction from the affectionate point of view. The embrace of the eyes is more effective in the conjugal relation, and thus according to Śrīla Jīva Gosvāmī there is nothing wrong in such an exchange of feeling between husband and wife.
All ordinary transactions and dealings became polluted with cheating, even between friends. And in familial affairs, there was always misunderstanding between fathers, mothers and sons, between well-wishers, and between brothers. Even between husband and wife there was always strain and quarrel.
In the conditioned state the living being is not satisfied even if he actually becomes the lord of all that he surveys, which he never becomes, and therefore he becomes the victim of all kinds of cheating, even with his nearest and most intimate relations. In such an unsatisfactory state of affairs, there is no harmony, even between father and sons or between husband and wife. But all these contending difficulties can be mitigated by one process, and that is the devotional service of the Lord.
SB Canto 3
The wife is dependent on the husband, and if the husband is a Vaiṣṇava, then naturally she shares the devotional service of the husband because she renders him service. This reciprocation of service and love between husband and wife is the ideal of a householder's life.
As constituted by bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife, and a woman, as bodily constituted, is naturally inferior to her husband. Thus the natural instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife, and this must be observed. Even if there is some wrong on the part of the husband, the wife must tolerate it, and thus there will be no misunderstanding between husband and wife.
SB Canto 4
In the Cāṇakya-śloka, the moral instructions of Cāṇakya Paṇḍita, it is said that if a husband and wife are always satisfied with one another, then the goddess of fortune automatically comes. In other words, where there is no disagreement between husband and wife, all material opulence is present, and good children are born.
In this verse it is specifically mentioned that she wanted to leave such a great husband as Śiva because of her womanly weakness. In other words, womanly weakness exists even in the relationship between husband and wife. Generally, separation between husband and wife is due to womanly behavior; divorce takes place due to womanly weakness. The best course for a woman is to abide by the orders of her husband. That makes family life very peaceful. Sometimes there may be misunderstandings between husband and wife, as found even in such an elevated family relationship as that of Satī and Lord Śiva, but a wife should not leave her husband's protection because of such a misunderstanding. If she does so, it is understood to be due to her womanly weakness.
The word dākṣāyaṇī means "the daughter of King Dakṣa." Sometimes, when there was relaxed conversation between husband and wife, Lord Śiva used to call Satī "the daughter of King Dakṣa," and because this very word reminded her about her family relationship with King Dakṣa, she at once became ashamed because Dakṣa was an incarnation of all offenses.
Just as one saves his money and places it under his own personal protection, one should similarly protect his wife by his own personal supervision. Just as intelligence is always within the heart, so a beloved chaste wife should always have her place on the chest of a good husband. This is the proper relationship between husband and wife. A wife is therefore called ardhāṅganī, or half of the body.
SB Canto 6
For Pārvatī to be embraced by Lord Śiva was natural in a relationship between husband and wife; this was nothing extraordinary for Citraketu to see. Nonetheless, Citraketu laughed loudly to see Lord Śiva in that situation, even though he should not have done so. Thus he was eventually cursed, and this curse was the cause of his returning home, back to Godhead.
During the time of brahmacarya, or student life, a brahmacārī should be taught to be expert in bhāgavata-dharma, devotional service. Then when he marries, if his wife is faithful to her husband and follows him in such life, the relationship between husband and wife is very desirable. However, a relationship between husband and wife without spiritual consciousness but strictly for sense gratification is not at all good. It is said in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (12.2.3) that especially in this age, Kali-yuga, dām-patye 'bhirucir hetuḥ: the relationship between husband and wife will be based on sexual power. Therefore householder life in this Kali-yuga is extremely dangerous unless both the wife and husband take to Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
The relationship between husband and wife is firmly established when the wife is faithful and the husband sincere. Then even if the wife, being weaker, is unable to execute devotional service with her husband, if she is chaste and sincere she shares half of her husband's activities.
SB Canto 7
It is very important for peaceful householder life that a woman follow the vow of her husband. Any disagreement with the husband's vow will disrupt family life. In this regard, Cāṇakya Paṇḍita gives a very valuable instruction: dampatyoḥ kalaho nāsti tatra śrīḥ svayam āgatāḥ. When there are no fights between husband and wife, the goddess of fortune automatically comes to the home.
SB Canto 9
Cyavana Muni was very irritable, but since Sukanyā had gotten him as her husband, she dealt with him carefully, according to his mood. Knowing his mind, she performed service to him without being bewildered.
This is an indication of the relationship between husband and wife. A great personality like Cyavana Muni has the temperament of always wanting to be in a superior position. Such a person cannot submit to anyone. Therefore, Cyavana Muni had an irritable temperament. His wife, Sukanyā, could understand his attitude, and under the circumstances she treated him accordingly. If any wife wants to be happy with her husband, she must try to understand her husband's temperament and please him. This is victory for a woman.
Because care is no longer taken in marriage, we now find many divorces. Indeed, divorce has now become a common affair, although formerly one's marriage would continue lifelong, and the affection between husband and wife was so great that the wife would voluntarily die when her husband died or would remain a faithful widow throughout her entire life. Now, of course, this is no longer possible, for human society has fallen to the level of animal society.
Here Śukrācārya is figuratively described as the husband of another she-goat. This indicates that the relationship between husband and wife in any society, whether higher or lower than human society, is nothing but the same relationship between he-goat and she-goat, for the material relationship between man and woman is one of sex.
When Devayānī heard Mahārāja Yayāti's story of the he-goat and she-goat, she understood that this story, which was presented as if a funny joke for entertainment between husband and wife, was intended to awaken her to her constitutional position.
Imperfect life is realized in material existence, in five different relationships we share with everyone within the material world: neutrality, servitorship, friendship, filial love and amorous love between husband and wife or lover and beloved. These five enjoyable relationships within the material world are perverted reflections of relationships with the Absolute Personality of Godhead in the transcendental nature.
Other Books by Srila Prabhupada
Krsna, The Supreme Personality of Godhead
We should always remember that the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Kṛṣṇa, was playing exactly like a human being; although He showed His extraordinary opulences by simultaneously marrying more than sixteen thousand wives in more than sixteen thousand palaces, He behaved with them just like an ordinary man, and He strictly followed the relationship between husband and wife required in ordinary homes. Therefore, it is very difficult to understand the characteristics of the Supreme Brahman, the Personality of Godhead.
"As I have already explained, I am not very much interested in family life or love between husband and wife. By nature, I am not very fond of family life, wife, children, home and opulences. As My devotees are always neglectful of all these worldly possessions, I am also like that. Actually, I am interested in self-realization; that gives Me pleasure, and not this family life." After submitting His statement, Lord Kṛṣṇa suddenly stopped.
Śukadeva Gosvāmī informed Mahārāja Parīkṣit that for self-realization the austerities and penances performed by the queens at Dvārakā have no comparison. The objective of self-realization is one: Kṛṣṇa. Therefore, although the dealings of the queens with Kṛṣṇa appear just like ordinary dealings between husband and wife, the principal point to be observed is the queens' attachment for Kṛṣṇa.
Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures
Knot in the heart. "She is my wife." "He is my husband." Of course, now that knot is very slack. Formerly it was very strong because the woman was not allowed to mix with any other man, and the man was also not allowed with any other woman. This intermingling has slackened even that knot, hṛdaya-granthim. Therefore, even trifle cases, quarrel between husband and wife, there is divorce. Because that unity is not very strong now. That is good. Some way or other, it is slackened.
Man is called puruṣa. Puruṣa means enjoyer. And the wife is called strī. Strī means woman. Strī means prakṛti. Prakṛti means which is enjoyed. The subject and the object. But the enjoyment, actually the enjoyment between husband and wife, that is participated by both. There is no division. When the actual enjoyment is there, there is no division, the husband is enjoying more or the wife is enjoying less or like that.
Just like sambandha. We can understand. An unmarried girl and unmarried boy, there is first of all sambandha: the father, mother makes the relationship. Then there is function between husband and wife. That is called abhidheya. And why? Because there is a necessity. What is that? To get children. Sambandha, abhidheya, prayojana. Prayojana. Every sambandha, every relationship is made, every action is done with an aim, the goal, the prayojana.
And prabhāte megha-ḍambare: "And in the morning, thundering sound of the cloud..." And similarly, dam-pate kalahe, I mean to say, "war between husband and wife..." So these things are to be taken as insignificant. So, of course, in India the quarrel between husband and wife, nobody cares. Nobody takes very seriously. The husband may complain, the wife may complain. Everyone says, "Yes, yes. That's all right. It will be all right."
My eldest sister was married at the age of nine years. So I heard that my mother-in-law was married at the age of seven years. I was gṛhastha, and I was also married... My wife was eleven years. So in that minor ages, there is no actually love between husband and wife. But still, formerly, the system was that the young girl, minor girl, was giving some eatable foodstuff to the husband, and sometimes pān, like that. But unless they were major, they were not allowed to live together.
Everything is spoiled. As much as in a family, if the housewife is not good, contaminated, then there is no good life in the family. In Western countries especially, and in this country also, nowadays, there is no peace between husband and wife, and there is no, practically, no family life. In Western countries there is divorce. Here also the divorce law is introduced. And no family is happy.
Devotion is only applicable to Kṛṣṇa. If somebody is proclaiming himself that "I am devotee, servant of my nation, of my society, of my wife, of my children"—all false. Here nobody is devotee. Everyone has got some motive. Even the intimate relationship between husband and wife, there is some motive. The husband has got some motive and the wife has got... As soon as the motive is not fulfilled, divorce: "Ah, no more now. Take another chapter."
And dāmpatya kalahe caiva. And fight between or quarrel between husband and wife. In India, there is no question of divorce. So nobody takes very serious care when there is fight between husband and wife. So there also: "I'm going to immediately leave you, going to kill you..." and so many things. But after an hour, everything is finished. No more quarrel.
Wherefrom this attachment has come unless originally it is there in the spiritual world? Originally, the same attachment... Just like we have got attachment for our country, nation. Then attachment between the servant and the master, attachment between friend and friend, attachment between father and son or mother and son, and attachment between husband and wife or the beloved and the lover—these five kinds of attachment are there in this material world.
This one, no foolish rascal should be worshiped, food grains should be nicely stocked, and the third thing, most important, dampatyoḥ kalaho nāsti: "There is no disagreement between husband and wife." If these three things are there, then you haven't got to pray to the goddess of fortune, "Kindly be merciful." She will automatically come. "Here is a very nice place. I shall stay here."
Then he said that "In old age the affection between husband and wife is revived." First of all, in young age, they enjoy life, and in old age they remember, "Oh, how we enjoyed in our young age. How we talked together, how we would walk together." These things, by contemplation, they enjoy.
Fight there must be, whenever there are two men or woman. That is individuality. Therefore Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says, dāmpatye kālahe caiva bambhārambhe laghu-kriya. Whenever there is fight between husband and wife, it should be neglected. The formula of Cāṇakya Paṇḍita is given like this: Aja-yuddhe. When the goats are fighting, as it is very insignificant... If you understand that in the door two goats are fighting, you don't care for it. You see, a goat fight. So aja-yuddhe muni-śraddhe.
Nectar of Devotion Lectures
In the material world, there cannot be any real love. Therefore the real love cannot be appreciated with our, this material senses. Whatever we appreciate or experience by the material senses, that is not love, that is lust. Motive. There is some motive. One is friend of another person, very intimate friends, both of them have got some motive. As soon as the motive is frustrated, they separate. These things, we find. Even husband and wife, as soon as the sense gratification is disturbed, immediately there is divorce between husband and wife
Śānta-rasa, dāsya-rasa, sakhya-rasa, and then vātsalya-rasa, parenthood, filial love. And above this, there is mādhurya-rasa. Mādhurya-rasa means the taste between husband and wife, lover and the beloved. That is called mādhurya-rasa. Similarly... These are the primary rasas.
The living entity is energy, prakṛti. Not the puruṣa. Puruṣa is Kṛṣṇa. We are all prakṛtis, all living entities. Prakṛti means predominated, and puruṣa means predominator. Just like we see, ordinarily, husband and wife, the husband is predominator and the wife is predominated. Although there is no difference between husband and wife. They are one, divided into two. Similarly, prakṛti and puruṣa, they are one. They are not two.
In the material world, suppose a boy loves a girl and a girl loves a boy. That is personal sense gratification. As soon as the personal sense gratification is not satisfied, immediately the so-called love is divorced. No more love. In the Kali-yuga, it is stated in the śāstras, dāmpatye ratim eva hi. In... Love between husband and wife will be disturbed as soon as there is no satisfaction of sex desires. Dāmpatye ratim eva hi. And in the Western countries, we find... In our country also, it has already begun; there are so many divorce cases. Mostly the divorce cases take place when there is disturbance in sex, sex satisfaction. So that is lust.
Sri Caitanya-caritamrta Lectures
So there is no difference between these different phases of loving affair, but great devotees and learned scholars, they have given their decision that the loving affairs of Kṛṣṇa in the conjugal platform between husband and wife, or above that, between lover and beloved... That is very much prominent in the Western countries, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend. In the spiritual world that platform of remaining as friend without marriage, that is considered as the highest. And whatever we see here—a perverted reflection of that loving affairs. Just like perverted reflection... It is described in the Bhagavad-gītā, ūrdhva-mūlam adho-śākha aśvatthaṁ prāhur avyayam. This material world has been described as having its root up, ūrdhva-mūlam adho-śākha, and the branches down.
Sri Isopanisad Lectures
Just like this is Īśopaniṣad. Similarly, there is another Upaniṣad, Garga Upaniṣad. So that is the talk between husband and wife, very learned. The husband is teaching the wife. Etad viditvā yaḥ prayāti sa eva brāhmaṇa gargi. Etad aviditvā yaḥ prayāti sa eva kṛpanā. This real culture of knowledge, one who... Everyone takes birth and everyone will die. There is no difference of opinion about it. We shall die and they shall die. They can say that "You are thinking of birth, death, old age and disease. So do you mean to say that because you are cultivating Kṛṣṇa consciousness knowledge, you will be free from these four principles of nature's onslaught?" No. That is not the fact. The fact is, the Garga Upaniṣad says, etad viditvā yaḥ prayāti. One who quits this body after knowing what he is, sa eva brāhmaṇa, he is brāhmaṇa.
Once married, there is no question of divorce or separation. That you should remember. We don't allow any divorce and separation. The husband and wife, there may be sometimes disagreement, but according to Vedic literature, when there is fight or disagreement between husband and wife, it should be neglected. Nobody take it seriously. The Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says,
- aja-yuddhe muni-śrāddhe prabhate megha-ḍumbare
- dampatiḥ kalahe caiva bāmbhārambhe laghu-kriyā
Aja-yuddhe: "Fighting of the goats, and a śraddhā ceremony performed by the sages in the forest, and sounding in the sky, vibration of cloud, rumbling of the cloud early in the morning, and similarly, fight between husband and wife-don't take it seriously."
This material world we have to pass through many circumstances, but sometimes, even it is intolerable, we have to tolerate. So according to Hindu conception of life, even there is some misunderstanding between husband and wife, it is not taken very seriously. Never taken very seriously. But in your country, in the name of liberty and freedom, there are so many things. I do not wish to discuss all those things. But according to Vedic system, husband and wife, united together, there cannot be any separation.
We are dancing, we are chanting, we are eating, and we have love also between husband and wife, between boys and girls. We allow everything. But everything is targeted to achieve to the highest goal of life, Viṣṇu, or Kṛṣṇa. That is the significance of this life. We don't stop anything, but we regulate everything to achieve the highest perfection of life.
And the war feeling is going on, not only between nation and nation, between man to man, neighbor to neighbor—even between husband and wife, father and son, this war is going on. This is called dāvānala, forest fire. Forest fire means in the forest nobody goes to set fire, but automatically, by the clash, friction of the dried bamboo, there is electricity and it catches fire. Similarly, although we do not want unhappiness, still, by our dealings we create enemies and friends, and there is fight, there is war. This will continue. This is called saṁsāra-dāvānala. Try to understand.
This Absolute Truth means wherefrom everything comes, emanates. Just like here we find love between mother and son, love between wife and husband, love between master and servant, love between friends and friends, love between master and the dog or the cat or the cow. Same thing. These are only reflection of the spiritual world. The same thing is there.
Conversations and Morning Walks
1968 Conversations and Morning Walks
Journalist: Is there much divorce in India?
Prabhupāda: Yes. The modern, so-called advanced boys and girls, they are now after divorce. But before that, even there was misunderstanding between husband and wife, quarrel, there was no question of divorce. Take my life practical. I was a householder. Now I have given up. So practically I did not agree with my wife, but there was no dream of divorcing. You see? Neither she dreamt, neither I dreamt. This was unknown. Now they are being introduced.
1971 Conversations and Morning Walks
Prabhupāda: That fighting is going on even in the family. We see between husband and wife also there is sometimes fighting. That is not taken into account. But the major wars in the history of the world... Because India, or Bhāratavarṣa, means the whole world. Now it is cut into pieces.
Prabhupāda: That fighting is going on even in the family. We see between husband and wife also there is sometimes fighting. That is not taken into account. But the major wars in the history of the world... Because India, or Bhāratavarṣa, means the whole world. Now it is cut into pieces.
1974 Conversations and Morning Walks
Prabhupāda: Quarreling between husband and wife, that is natural. That is explained in the Cāṇakya Paṇḍita... Dam-patye kalahe caiva bambhārambhe laghu kriyā (?). The quarreling will be very humbug, big, but the result will be nothing.
Prabhupāda: ...quarrel, my wife never thought of any other man; neither I thought of any other woman.
Dr. Patel: Why? Because of the background.
Prabhupāda: Although we fought, but there was no such thing. (break) Fighting is natural. This is fight of love. This is not fight... Therefore Cāṇakya Paṇḍita has said, "Neglect this fighting. Don't take it seriously." Dam-patye kalahe bambhārambhe laghu kriyā (?). This should not be... Quarrel between husband and wife should not be taken seriously. Let them fight. It will stop automatically. That's all.
Priest: You have to... I am not in relationship with any church or any dogma. This is what I have in my own experience, and I cannot speak of what others have experienced but what is my own experience.
Prabhupāda: No, no, God's relationship should be universal, not that... It may be a different relationship. Just like the relationship between husband and wife, relationship between father and son, relationship between friend and friend, relationship between master and servant, so these are relationship. We understand relationship means this. And it is particularly said in the Bible, "O Father." That means the relationship is as between father and son.
1975 Conversations and Morning Walks
Even the husband and wife cannot continue peaceful life, what to speak of others. Now this rascal Jawaharlal Nehru has introduced divorce in the Hindu society. Otherwise in the Hindu society separation between husband and wife is not even dreamt of. That, it cannot be. However there may be quarrelsome, but there is no question of separation. Husband and wife, they fight, everywhere. I have seen. My father and mother was fighting. I fought. (laughter) But there is no question of separation.
Jesuit: There have been people in the history of the world like the Manicheans and that who held that sex in itself was bad. Now I couldn't accept that. It's part of man.
Prabhupāda: No, dharmāviruddha. Just you can have sex for begetting nice children but not for sense gratification.
Jesuit: Also for increasing the love between husband and wife.
Jesuit: Even though they can't have children.
Prabhupāda: No, they can have children.
Jesuit: Suppose they can't.
Prabhupāda: They can, if they can beget nice children, they can have sex.
Jesuit: But suppose they can't have children. Would you say they can still have sex.
Prabhupāda: No. That is not allowed.
Jesuit: That is where I think...
Prabhupāda: That is illicit sex. If you cannot produce children, and still you have sex, that is illicit sex.
Director: And now divorce is getting easier too, isn't it?
Prabhupāda: That is very dangerous law to allow divorce. Divorce should not be allowed. Even there is some disagreement between husband and wife, it should be neglected. According to Cāṇakya Paṇḍita... He was great politician. He has said that dampatya kalahe caiva bahvārambhe laghu kriyā. The husband and wife's quarrel should not be taken very seriously. Ajā yuddhe (More quote by Cāṇakya) Just like fight between two goats. They are fighting, and if you say "Hut!" they will go away. Similarly, the fight between husband and wife should not be taken very seriously. Let them fight for some time; they will stop automatically. But the husband and wife fight, and he, as soon as he goes to the lawyer and he gives incentive, "Yes, come to the court." This is going on. So the first defect is there is divorce law.
Prabhupāda: The man, first-class man, brāhmaṇa, śamo damaḥ titikṣa, and woman, very faithful to such husband and chaste. Then the home is happy. And Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says another place, dampatyoḥ kalaho nāsti tatra śrīḥ svayam āgataḥ. "If there is no fight and disagreement between husband and wife, in that home the goddess of fortune automatically comes." They haven't got to search out where is goddess of fortune. She will come automatically. So that is now lacking. In most cases the husband and wife does not agree.
1976 Conversations and Morning Walks
Prabhupāda: If wife is very good, then his home is very nice. They cannot be unhappy at any circumstances. Dampatyoḥ kalaho nāsti tatra śrīḥ svayam āgataḥ.(?) Cāṇakya Paṇḍita. When there is full agreement between husband and wife, cooperation, then the goddess of fortune comes there without application. You haven't got to ask goddess of fortune, "Please come and help me." She'll come automatically.
1977 Conversations and Morning Walks
Prabhupāda: He said, mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante dhānyaṁ yatra susañcitam. "In the society where rascals are not worshiped and food grains are properly stocked..." Mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante dhānyaṁ yatra susañcitam... Another... Dampatyo kalaho nāsti: "And where there is no quarrel between husband and wife," tatra śrīḥ svayam āgatāḥ, "all fortune will come there automatically." Svayam āgatāḥ. You haven't got to pray, "Mother Lakṣmī, please come to my house." She'll come. Three things wanted. You should not give unnecessarily honor to rascals, and you should keep your food grains very nicely, and don't quarrel, husband and wife. Then you become fortunate.
Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Nowadays none of those three are available. There is divorce, there is shortage of food, and all rascals are worshiped.
Prabhupāda: That's it. If there is no quarrel between husband and wife, you can be happy underneath a tree.
Prabhupāda: Sex, you require under... You'll get it between husband and wife. There is no difficulty. What is the use of that? Daily pregnancy, daily... Three days divorce. Actually I saw in Chicago, within three weeks, three divorce.
am glad to learn that your co-operation for this society is appreciated by the authorities, We should learn to forget and forgive minor incidents because whenever there are two men in a place, there is always some misunderstanding. Such misunderstanding happens even between husband and wife—what to speak of others. But we have to adjust things on the basis of Krishna Consciousness. We should always remember that K.C. is a challenge to the modern misguided human society, and we have to meet many unfavorable incidents.
There is no question of separation between husband and wife until the time when the husband takes sannyasa. At that time the wife cannot remain with the husband. Even in vanaprastha stage, or retired life, the wife remains with the husband, but without any sex relations.
In Krishna Consciousness marriages there is no question of any separation or divorce. Any disagreement between husband and wife is not taken very seriously, as much as a disagreement between children is not taken very seriously. This is because the basic principle of married life in Krishna Consciousness is not whimsical lusts, but it is the eternal principle of rendering devotional service to Krishna.
One thing you should know—of course, I know that you are so nice that there is no possibility amongst you for disagreement between husband and wife; but sometimes it happens—so you can let Saradia know that in our Krishna Consciousness household life there is no question of separation. Our marriage is Absolute. But if sometimes some disagreement is there, they may live separately for a few days, but that does not mean they can think of separation. Please try to educate all the girls in that way.
According to our Vedic civilization, disagreements between husband and wife is not taken very seriously. But the modern age allows divorce even, either by the husband or by the wife. These things are not good. But after marrying, certainly there will be some disagreement or misunderstanding between husband and wife. So consider all these points, and you can decide yourself.
Married life does not mean that there will be no disagreement between husband and wife—that is a custom from time immemorial. According to Vedic system, disagreement or quarrel between husband and wife should never be taken very seriously. The Vedic system therefore gives a concession for the wife to separate from her husband for some time and go to her father's house. So Cintamani may come to me for some time, but you cannot deviate from your responsibility in Japan.
A Krishna Conscious marriage is not based on sense gratification but rather mutual cooperation between husband and wife for making advancement is spiritual life and also for raising Krishna Conscious children. It is said in the Vedas that one should not take on the responsibility of Parenthood unless he can deliver the child from the repeated cycle of birth, death, disease and old age. So in this way mold your life in service to the Lord and be happy.
In spite of all your faults you will go to Vaikuntha because you are a great devotee. Don't create some abnormal condition. Please go back to your husband and live peacefully and execute Krishna Consciousness together. He will also not take sannyasa order out of frustration. You are an intelligent girl and an advanced student. You should know that our main business is Krishna Consciousness. So fighting between husband and wife is not to be taken very seriously. So if you have any respect for me, I request you not to quarrel with your husband. Live peacefully, chant Hare Krishna and try to serve the cause as best as possible.
Marriage between husband and wife means that the husband must forever be responsible for the wife's well-being and protection in all cases. That does not mean that now there is agreement between us, therefore I am responsible, but as soon as there is some disagreement then I immediately flee the scene and become so-called renounced.