This material life is a concession to us, given by God, for gratifying our senses. This is material life. Kṛṣṇa does not want that you become entangled in this material world. That He doesn't want. Why He should want? Kṛṣṇa... Just like you produce your sons, children. Why? To remain in household life, enjoy in the company of wife, children, friends. This is... One can understand. Why I take so much responsibility of family? I was alone. Why I get married? Why I beget children? Why I make friends? Because I want to enjoy. So Kṛṣṇa is also a person. Nityo nityānāṁ cetanaś cetanānām (Kaṭha Upaniṣad 2.2.13). He has produced so many children, these living entities. Why? To enjoy along with them. Just try to understand the psychology. Yato vā imāni bhūtāni jayante, janmādy asya yataḥ (SB 1.1.1). Where this idea came from, that "I shall be happy within society, friendship and love, children?" Wherefrom this idea came? Where is the origin? The origin is there in Kṛṣṇa. Janmādy asya yataḥ (SB 1.1.1). Janmādy asya yataḥ. The origin of love. Just like Kṛṣṇa is loving Rādhārāṇī. So the loving idea came from Kṛṣṇa. Anything that is within our experience, that is in Kṛṣṇa. So Kṛṣṇa cannot be impersonal. That is nonsense. Kṛṣṇa is exactly a person like me, you. But the difference is that He's very, very, unlimitedly powerful. I am limited. This is the difference. So Kṛṣṇa also wants that to live with His family. Our Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement is just to train ourselves again to enter into the family of Kṛṣṇa. This is our movement. With these families, the so-called families, we are suffering. We are suffering. But this family idea is there this. That is perfect in Kṛṣṇa, with Kṛṣṇa. The family idea, wherefrom family idea comes without it is being situated in Kṛṣṇa? Because nothing can be visible without being in Kṛṣṇa.
Responsibility of marriage
Expressions researched:
"marriage"
|"married is certainly responsible"
|"married life for sense enjoyment must also take the responsibility"
|"married"
|"married. This is the responsibility"
|"married. When he does so, his responsibility"
|"responsibility for marriage"
|"responsibility"
|"responsible"
Srimad-Bhagavatam
SB Canto 3
The purpose of the material creation by Brahmā is clearly described herein. Every human being should beget nice children in the womb of his wife, as a sacrifice for the purpose of worshiping the Supreme Personality of Godhead in devotional service. In the Viṣṇu Purāṇa (3.8.9) it is stated:
- varṇāśramācāravatā
- puruṣeṇa paraḥ pumān
- viṣṇur ārādhyate panthā
- nānyat tat-toṣa-kāraṇam
- (CC Madhya 8.58)
"One can worship the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Viṣṇu, by proper discharge of the principles of varṇa and āśrama. There is no alternative to pacifying the Lord by execution of the principles of the varṇāśrama system."
Viṣṇu worship is the ultimate aim of human life. Those who take the license of married life for sense enjoyment must also take the responsibility to satisfy the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Viṣṇu, and the first stepping-stone is the varṇāśrama-dharma system. Varṇāśrama-dharma is the systematic institution for advancing in worship of Viṣṇu. However, if one directly engages in the process of devotional service to the Supreme Personality of Godhead, it may not be necessary to undergo the disciplinary system of varṇāśrama-dharma. The other sons of Brahmā, the Kumāras, directly engaged in devotional service, and thus they had no need to execute the principles of varṇāśrama-dharma.
SB Canto 5
There are many social functions for keeping a prestigious position in society. In different countries and societies there are various festivals and rituals. In India, the father is supposed to get his children married. When he does so, his responsibility to the family is complete. Arranging marriages is very difficult, especially in these days. At the present moment no one can perform the proper ritual of sacrifice, nor can anyone afford to pay for the marriage ceremony of sons and daughters. Therefore householders are very much distressed when they are confronted by these social duties. It is as though they were pierced by thorns and hurt by pebbles. Material attachment is so strong that despite the suffering, one cannot give it up.
SB Canto 9
It is quite clear that according to Vedic culture a woman who accepts a paramour or second husband in the presence of the husband she has married is certainly responsible for the degradation of her father's family and the family of her husband. The rules of Vedic culture in this regard are strictly observed in the respectable families of brāhmaṇas, kṣatriyas and vaiśyas even today; only the śūdras are degraded in this matter. For a woman of the brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya or vaiśya class to accept another husband in the presence of the husband she has married, or to file for divorce or accept a boyfriend or paramour, is unacceptable in the Vedic culture. Therefore King Śaryāti, who did not know the real facts of Cyavana Muni's transformation, was surprised to see the behavior of his daughter.
In the Vedic culture there is a system known as satī or saha-maraṇa, in which a woman dies with her husband. According to this system, if the husband dies, the wife will voluntarily die by falling in the blazing funeral pyre of her husband. Here, in this verse, the feelings inherent in this culture are expressed by the wife of the brāhmaṇa. A woman without a husband is like a dead body. Therefore according to Vedic culture a girl must be married. This is the responsibility of her father. A girl may be given in charity, and a husband may have more than one wife, but a girl must be married. This is Vedic culture. A woman is supposed to be always dependent—in her childhood she is dependent on her father, in youth on her husband, and in old age on her elderly sons. According to Manu-saṁhitā, she is never independent. Independence for a woman means miserable life. In this age, so many girls are unmarried and falsely imagining themselves free, but their life is miserable. Here is an instance in which a woman felt that without her husband she was nothing but a dead body.
Lectures
Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures
There is one Mr. Marshall, economist. Marshall's economics we read in our economic class. He said that "Family affection is the impetus for economic development." He said that. That is fact. Therefore, according to Vedic system, a boy is married with a girl, and the husband and wife, as soon as... This is psychological. As soon as they become husband and wife... Because the boy is searching after woman, and the girl is also searching after man. So they must be given. This is psychology. There is no question of so-called love. The, the former system of marriage, the father and mother selects one boy and one girl, and by force they are married. But the economic position becomes very nice. Family affection.
That is also stated in the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam. Puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etaṁ tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ (SB 5.5.8). These are very psychological. A married man becomes responsible. Because there is affection, family affection. And one who is not married, he's irresponsible. Because there is no family affection. That is the basic defect of the present society. There is no family affection. They are all irresponsible.
We are simply animals at the present moment. Āhāra-nidrā-bhaya-maithunam. But human society means to divide the whole human society into these eight divisions, brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya, vaiśya, śūdra, brahmacārī, gṛhastha, vānaprastha. Then it is systematic. But you have to go above that. That systematic division of the society is also sense gratification. That is not real life. That is also sense gratification. But it is systematized.
Just like I have several times said, the marriage is sense gratification, sex life. But somebody may say... They say that "Marriage is legalized prostitution." It may be, but still, there is some control. Although it is called "legalized prostitution," there is no difference between prostitution and married life, but there is some control. People become responsible. By responsible life, they can make advance. Irresponsible life will not help. Therefore loke vyavāyāmiṣa-madya-sevā nityā hi jantoḥ. So our tendency for sense gratification is controlled. Therefore it is called license. Gṛhastha life means a license for sense gratification. But we must know that sense gratification means material life. It may be systematic or not systematic. Sense gratifications means material life. But our aim is to transcend this material life and come to the spiritual life, platform of spiritual life. That is required. So there are so many processes.
Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures
Anyone who is within this material world must work. This is material world. Just like in the prison house, it is not possible that he will sit down and he will be honored just like son-in-law. No. In the, in our country son-in-law is very much worshiped. Worshiped means flattered. Never divorce the daughter. Therefore, nobody should expect that we may speak something humorous about son-in-law in India. Formerly... It is still the system that the daughter must get married. That is the responsibility of the father. It is called kanyā-dāna. A father may not get his son married. That is not very great responsibility. But if there is a daughter, the father must see that she is married. Formerly it was ten years, twelve years, thirteen years. Not more than that. That is the system. That was the Vedic system. Kanyā. Kanyā means before attaining puberty. Kanyā. So kanyā-dāna. She must be given in charity tosomebody.
So the baby, packed up, cannot move, cannot say anything but feels pain, therefore moves. And the pregnant woman therefore feels that the child is moving at the age of seven months in the womb. So therefore the struggle begins from the womb. And when the child comes out, again struggle. And he is lying on the bed; some bug is biting. He cannot express. He is crying, and the mother thinks that he's hungry. In this way, wrongly understands, cannot give relief him. And he is going on, crying, crying, crying. We have seen it. We have... Everyone has got experience. Then as soon as he is grown up, he is given responsibility for learning ABCD, or going to school. He doesn't like. No child likes. At least I did not like to go to school. So this is also another struggle. Then, when he is grown up, he is given more and more responsibility, examination, and then married life, then family maintenance. In this way, struggling, struggling, struggling—again death. Again enter into the womb of mother. Again the same struggle. So where is happiness? Therefore when Kṛṣṇa says, duḥkhālayam aśāśvatam: (BG 8.15) "This whole material world is a place for suffering only," that is a fact. But mūḍho 'yam, being enamored by māyā, he does not know. He forgets. This life is of forgetfulness, ignorance.
Formerly, in our days, younger days, although the girl was married at an early age, she was not allowed to see her husband unless she is grown-up fully. Unless she has attained puberty, she is not... She lives with her parents. But she knows that "I have got my husband." This consciousness is a great pleasure for a women psychologically, that "I have got husband." A very nice system. And when the girl grows up, puberty, then again another ceremony is taken. That is almost like second marriage. The girl goes to her husband, to live with her husband. This was the system.
So women were taken so much care by the Vedic civilization. Still they are taken. It is the duty of the father... Until she is married, it is the duty of the father to give her all protection. Therefore the father wants to get her married, to get relief from the responsibility. He has a great responsibility. It is called kanyā-dāya. Actually the word is called kanyā-dāya. Putra-ṛṇa. Ṛṇa means debt. If you are debtor to somebody you may not pay it, saying, "Sir, I have no money. Whatever you like, you can do." But dāya means a great burden. It must be get relieved of. Dāya means a great responsibility. Dāya. Dāya-bhāk. Just like a son inherits the property of the father... It is called dāya-bhāk, law. Similarly, this is the, I mean to say, most obligatory duty of the father, to get the daughter married. And then it is the duty of the husband next. Just like we get... When we perform marriage ceremony in our society, we get the husband promise that he takes charge of the girl for life. And the girl agrees to serve the boy for life. There is no question of divorce.
Brahmacārī is meant for the boys, not for the girls. Girls, they are to be married. A brahmacārī may remain unmarried for life, but according to Vedic civilization, a girl must be married. As soon as... Before the age of attaining puberty, it is the duty of the father, or if she has no father, it is the duty of the elder brother to get her married somehow or other. (laughter) Give her in responsibility to another young man. This is the duty. Yes. This is the duty. So therefore... Female population is always bigger than the male population. Then you can ask, "Where so many husbands?" Therefore polygamy was allowed. And the kings, the kṣatriyas who had money and who had very nice strength also, they used to marry more than one wife. You'll find all the kṣatriyas... Even Kṛṣṇa, the best kṣatriya, He married 16,108 wives. Wholesale. (laughter) Yes.
Therefore, to make advancement in spiritual life one must be serious to practice vairāgya. Tapasya, that is tapasya. If you practice vairāgya, deny, "No, I shall not eat these things, I shall not drink these things, I shall not do like this," abnegation—that we have to practice. That we have to practice. But although it is very difficult, so far we are concerned, we have made the things very concise. Simply, just observe the four regulative principles—no illicit sex, no gambling, no meat-eating, and no intoxication. This much we have to practice if we are actually serious to go..., advance in spiritual life. This is vairāgya, voluntarily. What is the difficulty? You want sex life, why don't you live, husband and wife, married? Sex life is not denied, but not outside the marriage. That is denied. A little vairāgya. But we have made such a civilization that no responsibility for marriage. Let the girls become prostitutes and enjoy and go away. Horrible civilization. They are going towards hell, punaḥ punaś carvita-carvaṇānām (SB 7.5.30). But they do not know. Neither do they care. It is very serious situation of the present civilization. If we think... One who does not know, he's in darkness, that is a different thing. But especially in the Western countries I see that poor girls are being advertised for prostitution. What is that? Topless? Yes. Topless, bottomless and so many things. You see. Purposefully, poor girls are being utilized for sense gratification. So horrible condition. And when there is pregnancy, then abortion, then further entanglement, further... So this is the way to go to the darkest region of hellish condition of life.
Caitanya Mahāprabhu also said. Who is a Vaiṣṇava? Vaiṣṇava, He immediately explained, that Vaiṣṇava, what is the duty of Vaiṣṇava? Some devotee asked Caitanya Mahāprabhu, "Sir, what is the duty of a Vaiṣṇava?" So He immediately replied in two lines, asat-saṅga-tyāga ei vaiṣṇava ācāra: "To give up the company of materialistic persons." Then the next question may be "Who is materialistic?" Asat eka 'strī-saṅgī: "One who is attached to woman, he is asat." And kṛṣṇa-bhakta āra, "And one who is not a devotee of Kṛṣṇa."
So we have to give up. So there is therefore regulative principle. At least, no illicit sex. Get yourself married, live like a gentleman, take responsibility, then gradually you'll be able to give up this sex desire. Unless we give up this sex desire, completely unagitated, there is no possibility of stopping this repetition of material birth—birth, death, old age and disease. That is not possible.
| Page Title: | Responsibility of marriage |
| Compiler: | Visnu Murti, MadhuGopaldas |
| Created: | 10 of Dec, 2009 |
| Totals by Section: | BG=0, SB=4, CC=0, OB=0, Lec=14, Con=9, Let=12 |
| No. of Quotes: | 39 |