View source for She (Radharani) thought, Now I am going to die, and when I die, Krsna will surely come back to see Me again. But when He hears of My death from the people of Vrndavana, He will certainly be very unhappy. Therefore I shall not die

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{{terms|"She thought"|"Now I am going to die, and when I die, Kṛṣṇa will surely come back to see Me again. But when He hears of My death from the people of Vṛndāvana, He will certainly be very unhappy. Therefore I shall not die"}}
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[[Category:Radharani's Thinking]]
[[Category:Going To]]
[[Category:Die]]
[[Category:When]]
[[Category:Krsna Will]]
[[Category:Surely]]
[[Category:Krsna's Coming Back]]
[[Category:Krsna's Seeing Radharani]]
[[Category:Again]]
[[Category:When]]
[[Category:Krsna's Hearing]]
[[Category:Death]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Vrndavana]]
[[Category:Krsna Will]]
[[Category:Certainly]]
[[Category:Very]]
[[Category:Krsna's Unhappiness]]
[[Category:Therefore Radharani]]
[[Category:Shall Not]]
[[Category:Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya-lila Chapter 14 Purports - Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu's Feelings of Separation from Krsna]]
[[Category:Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya-lila Purports]]
[[Category:Sri Caitanya-caritamrta - 62 Chapters, All Purports]]
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<h2>Sri Caitanya-caritamrta</h2>
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<h3>CC Antya-lila</h3>
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“At Akrūra’s request, Kṛṣṇa and Balarāma left the house of Nanda Mahārāja for Mathurā. At that time the mind of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī was disrupted, and She became almost mad because of extreme separation from Kṛṣṇa. She experienced great mental pain and agitation, which caused Her to drown in mental speculation in the river of anxiety. She thought, ‘Now I am going to die, and when I die, Kṛṣṇa will surely come back to see Me again. But when He hears of My death from the people of Vṛndāvana, He will certainly be very unhappy. Therefore I shall not die.’” This is the explanation of the word cintā.
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[[Vanisource:CC Antya 14.53|CC Antya 14.53, Translation and Purport]]
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“The ten bodily transformations resulting from separation from Kṛṣṇa are anxiety, wakefulness, mental agitation, thinness, uncleanliness, talking like a madman, disease, madness, illusion and death.”
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This verse is part of a description of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī’s different traits from Ujjvala-nīlamaṇi (Vipralambha-prakaraṇa 153), by Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī. In this book, he elaborately explains the ten symptoms as follows.

Cintā, anxiety. As stated in the Haṁsa-dūta (2):

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:yadā yāto gopī-hṛdaya-madano nanda-sadanān
:mukundo gāndinyās tanayam anurundhan madhu-purīm
:tadāmāṅkṣīc cintā-sariti ghana-ghūrṇāparicayair 
:agādhāyāṁ bādhāmaya-payasi rādhā virahiṇī
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“At Akrūra’s request, Kṛṣṇa and Balarāma left the house of Nanda Mahārāja for Mathurā. At that time the mind of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī was disrupted, and She became almost mad because of extreme separation from Kṛṣṇa. She experienced great mental pain and agitation, which caused Her to drown in mental speculation in the river of anxiety. She thought, ‘Now I am going to die, and when I die, Kṛṣṇa will surely come back to see Me again. But when He hears of My death from the people of Vṛndāvana, He will certainly be very unhappy. Therefore I shall not die.’” This is the explanation of the word cintā.

Jāgara, wakefulness. As stated in the Padyāvalī (326):

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:yāḥ paśyanti priyaṁ svapne dhanyās tāḥ sakhi yoṣitaḥ 
:asmākaṁ tu gate kṛṣṇe gatā nidrāpi vairiṇī
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Thinking Herself very unfortunate, Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī addressed Her very dear friend Viśākhā, “My dear friend, if I could see Kṛṣṇa in My dreams, I would certainly be glorified for My great fortune. But what can I do? Sleep also plays mischievously with Me. Indeed, it has become My enemy. Therefore I have not slept since the departure of Kṛṣṇa.” Udvega, mental agitation. This word is explained in the Haṁsa-dūta (104) as follows:

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:mano me hā kaṣṭaṁ jvalati kim ahaṁ hanta karavai
:na pāraṁ nāvāraṁ su-mukhi kalayāmy asya jaladheḥ
:iyaṁ vande mūrdhnā sapadi tam upāyaṁ kathaya me 
:parāmṛśye yasmād dhṛti-kaṇikayāpi kṣaṇikayā
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Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī addressed Lalitā, “My dear beautiful-faced Lalitā, I cannot express how My heart is burning. It is a great, unfathomable ocean of anxiety. Still, I wish to offer My obeisances at your lotus feet. What shall I do? Please consider My condition and advise Me how I can become peaceful, even for a moment. That is My desire.” Tānava, thinness, is described as follows:

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:udañcad-vaktrāmbhoruha-vikṛtir antaḥ-kulaṣitā
:sadāhārābhāva-glapita-kuca-kokā yadu-pate
:viśuṣyantī rādhā tava viraha-tāpād anu-dinaṁ 
:nidāghe kuly eva kraśima-paripākaṁ prathayati
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When Uddhava returned to Mathurā after visiting Vṛndāvana, Lord Kṛṣṇa inquired from him about Rādhārāṇī and Viśākhā. Uddhava replied as follows: “Consider the condition of the gopīs! Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī especially is in a very painful condition because of separation from You. She has grown skinny, and Her bodily luster is almost gone. Her heart is immersed in pain, and because She has given up eating, Her breasts have become black, as if diseased. Because of separation from You, all the gopīs, especially Rādhārāṇī, appear like dried-up water holes under the scorching heat of the sun.” Malina-aṅgatā, uncleanliness, is described as follows:

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:hima-visara-viśīrṇāmbhoja-tulyānana-śrīḥ
:khara-marud-aparajyad-bandhu-jīvopamauṣṭhī
:agha-hara śarad-arkottāpitendīvarākṣī 
:tava viraha-vipatti-mlāpitāsīd viśākhā
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Uddhava said to Kṛṣṇa, “O most auspicious Kṛṣṇa, please hear me. The tribulation caused by Your absence has made Viśākhā languid. Her lips tremble like trees in a strong wind. Her beautiful face is like a lotus flower that has withered under the snow, and her eyes are like lotus petals scorched by the heat of the autumn sun.” Pralāpa, mad talking, is explained in the Lalita-mādhava as follows:

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:kva nanda-kula-candramāḥ kva śikhi-candra-kālaṅkṛtiḥ
:kva mandra-muralī-ravaḥ kva nu surendra-nīla-dyutiḥ
:kva rāsa-rasa-tāṇḍavī kva sakhi jīva-rakṣauṣadhir 
:nidhir mama suhṛttamaḥ kva tava hanta hā dhig vidhiḥ
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This is Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī’s lamentation for Her beloved Kṛṣṇa, who was away from home. A woman whose husband has left home and gone to a foreign land is called proṣita-bhartṛkā. Lamenting for Kṛṣṇa in the same way that such a woman laments for her husband, Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī said, “My dear friend, where is the glory of the family of Mahārāja Nanda, who wears a half-moon ornament on His head? Where is Kṛṣṇa, whose hue is like that of the indranīla jewel and who plays so nicely on His flute? Where is your friend, the best of all men, so expert in dancing in the circle of the rāsa dance? Where is He who is the real medicine to save Me from dying of heart disease? I must condemn Providence, for he has caused Me so many tribulations by separating Me from Kṛṣṇa.” Vyādhi, disease, is also described in the Lalita-mādhava:

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:uttāpī puṭa-pākato ‘pi garala-grāmād api kṣobhaṇo
:dambholer api duḥsahaḥ kaṭur alaṁ hṛn-magna-śūlyād api
:tīvraḥ prauḍha-visūcikāni cayato ‘py uccair mamāyaṁ balī 
:marmāṇy adya bhinatti gokula-pater viśleṣa-janmā jvaraḥ
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Being greatly afflicted by the pain of separation from Kṛṣṇa, Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī said, “My dear Lalitā, kindly hear Me. I cannot bear suffering the fever of separation from Kṛṣṇa, nor can I explain it to you. It is something like gold melting in an earthen box. This fever produces more distress than poison, and it is more piercing than a thunderbolt. I suffer exactly like someone almost dead from cholera. To be giving Me so much pain, this fever must be very strong indeed.” Unmāda, madness, is explained as follows:

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:bhramati bhavana-garbhe nirnimittaṁ hasantī
:prathayati tava vārtāṁ cetanācetaneṣu
:luṭhati ca bhuvi rādhā kampitāṅgī murāre 
:viṣama-viraha-khedodgāri-vibhrānta-cittā
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Uddhava said to Kṛṣṇa, “My dear Kṛṣṇa, all the gopīs are so afflicted by Your absence that they have become almost mad. O Murāri, at home Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī laughs unnecessarily and, like a madwoman, inquires about You from every entity without distinction, even from the stones. She rolls on the ground, unable to bear the agony of Your absence.” Moha, illusion, is explained as follows:

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:nirundhe dainyābdhiṁ harati guru-cintā paribhavaṁ
:vilumpaty unmādaṁ sthagayati balād bāṣpa-laharīm
:idānīṁ kaṁsāre kuvalaya-dṛśaḥ kevalam idaṁ 
:vidhatte sācivyaṁ tava viraha-mūrcchā-sahacarī
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Lalitā wrote Kṛṣṇa the following letter on Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī’s behalf: “My dear Kṛṣṇa, Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī has fallen unconscious on the ground, Her mind greatly agitated by Her separation from You. O enemy of Kaṁsa, You have now become a first-class politician, and therefore You can supposedly give relief to everyone. Therefore please consider the plight of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī, or very soon You will hear of Her death. Maybe at that time You will lament, although now You are jubilant.” Mṛtyu, death, is explained in the Haṁsa-dūta (96):

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:aye rāsa-krīḍā-rasika mama sakhyaṁ nava-navā
:purā baddhā yena praṇaya-laharī hanta gahanā
:sa cen muktāpekṣas tvam asi dhig imāṁ tūla-śakalaṁ 
:yad etasyā nāsā-nihitam idam adyāpi calati
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In the following letter, Lalitā chastised Kṛṣṇa for staying in Mathurā: “Simply by dancing in the circle of the rāsa dance, You attracted Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī’s love. Why are You now so indifferent to my dear friend Rādhārāṇī? She is lying nearly unconscious, thinking of Your pastimes. I shall determine whether She is alive by putting a cotton swab under Her nostrils, and if She is still living, I shall chastise Her.”
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