So the wife... Never mind. Generally, beautiful wife means everyone's wife is beautiful. Unless one sees his wife beautiful, he cannot become a householder. You see? I think I did not see my wife beautiful. Therefore I had to take sannyāsa. (laughter) But generally, every one sees his wife beautiful. There was a great poet in Bengal, Bankima Candra. He used to say that everyone has got right to say his wife beautiful. That means the wife may be beautiful or not beautiful to others' eye, but the husband's eyes it must be beautiful. Otherwise there cannot be husband. So the fact is that our householder life is not a platform of being attracted by woman or by wife. No. Wife is not accepted for sex satisfaction, being attracted by her. No. Therefore wife is called dharma-patnī. Dharma-patnī. Dharma-patnī means a religious wife, or husband and wife should execute religious life, spiritual cultivation. That is the purpose of becoming householder. Gṛhastha-āśrama. Not that I become attracted by wife and I become absorbed in simply sex relation and forget my real duty, Kṛṣṇa consciousness. That is dangerous. So generally, if one's wife becomes very beautiful, he forgets his real duty, Kṛṣṇa consciousness, and he simply becomes a pet servant of the wife. That is the... Therefore Rūpa Gosvāmī says, anāsaktasya viṣayān yathārham upayuñjataḥ. One should not be attracted for sex life. Yathārham upayuñjataḥ. But does it mean that husband will not have sex. No. Yathārham. As it is required. As it required means sex life with wife should be performed only for begetting a Kṛṣṇa conscious child. Nothing more. No more attraction. That life is better. That life means not only better. That is the ideal life. Wife and husband, combination, both should make progress in Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
Woman, they are generally equipped with the qualities of passion and ignorance. And men also may be, but man can be elevated to the platform of goodness. Woman cannot be. Woman cannot be. Therefore if the husband is nice and the woman follows, woman becomes faithful and chaste to the husband, then their both life becomes successful. There are three qualities of nature: sattva, rajas, tamas. So rajas, tamas generally, that is the quality of woman. And man can become to the platform of goodness. Therefore initiation, brahminical symbolic representation is given to the man, not to the woman. This is the theory. Therefore the combination should be that the husband should be first-class devotee, Kṛṣṇa conscious, and woman should be, woman should be devoted to the husband, faithful, so that she would help the husband to make progress in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Then their both life is successful. Otherwise, if the husband simply becomes captivated by the charming beauty of woman and engages himself in the sex life, then his life is lost, and the woman, they are less intelligent, unless they are guided by proper husband, her life is also lost. So those who are not demigods... Here it is said, apāyayat surān. Sura-asura. Sura, those who are not developed to Kṛṣṇa consciousness, they are asura. So every husband should be a sura. Sura means devotee. And every woman should be religious. Religious means to become chaste, faithful to the husband. And the husband should become a devotee. Then both of them will make progress in Kṛṣṇa consciousness and that is the perfection of life.
So here it is very clearly described that anyān mohinyā. Mohinī, mohinyā striyā, by the formation. So we should not be attracted. But generally, people are attracted. The whole world, the material world is going on that the woman is attractive for man and the man is attractive for woman. Puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etam. This is the general platform of attraction between man and woman. And when they are united by such attraction, then they become more materially knotted. And then they are after...
- puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etaṁ
- tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ
- ato gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta-vittair
- janasya moho 'yam ahaṁ mameti
- (SB 5.5.8)
Our material bondage is due to an illusion. What is that illusion? That "I am this body." Dehātma-buddhi. "I am this body, and anything which is required for this body or which I possess for the comfort of this body, that is mine." Both of them are illusion, because I am not this body; I am soul, ahaṁ brahmāsmi. But the illusion is everyone is thinking, "I am this body." "I am Indian," "I am American," "I am white," "I am black," "I am brāhmaṇa," "I am śūdra," "I am this," "I am that." So this is illusion. Therefore the Vedic system is, to save one from this illusion, the first stage of life is brahmacārī, to understand the value of life and strictly without any association with woman. That is called brahmacārī. Strictly.