So I never thought that I will have to take up this matter by his order. Because it is . . . this incident took place in 1922, more than fifty years. So anyway, so I was officially initiated in 1933, just before three years of his passing away from this mortal world. So at the last moment also, just a fortnight before his passing away, he wrote me the same thing. I wrote him one letter, and just he replied the same thing that, "You should try to preach this gospel amongst the persons who are conversant in English language. That will be very nice for you."
So I was dreaming sometimes that my Guru Mahārāja is calling me and I am leaving my home and going behind him. I was dreaming like that, and I was thinking, "Oh, I have to give up my home? My Guru Mahārāja wants me to give up my home life and take sannyāsa?" So I was thinking, "It is horrible. How can I leave my home?" This is called māyā. Of course, it's a long story, but incidentally I am speaking to you because you are my dear children. So I was thinking that "How can I take sannyāsa and leave my home, my children?"
So that was a horrible thought for me, I tell you. I was thinking seriously, "Oh, I will have to take this course. Guru Mahārāja wants me." But actually I did not like to give up my home life. But Guru Mahārāja made me obliged to give up my home life. So now, by his order, or by his plan, I gave up my home life, I gave up a few children, but Guru Mahārāja is so kind that has given me so many nice children.
So by serving Kṛṣṇa, nobody becomes loser. This is my practical ex . . . I mean, practical experience. Nobody. So I am citing this example of my personal experience because . . . just try to understand that before leaving my home I was thinking that, "I may be in great trouble." Especially when I left my home for your country in 1965, alone, the government would not allow me to take any money.I had only a few books and forty rupees, Indian forty rupees. So I came in New York in such condition, but by the grace of my spiritual master Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Gosvāmī Mahārāja, and by the grace of Kṛṣṇa, everything happens by combined mercy of Kṛṣṇa and spiritual master.