War between husband and wife... So these things are to be taken as insignificant

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Expressions researched:
"And where there is no quarrel between husband and wife" |"Dampatye kalahe" |"Dampatyo kalaho nasti" |"Fight between the husband, wife, never take it seriously" |"Husband and wife quarrel should not be taken as very serious" |"Quarrel between husband and wife should not be taken seriously" |"The husband and wife's quarrel should not be taken very seriously" |"These are taken very lightly, no seriously" |"between husband and wife also there is sometimes fighting. That is not taken into account" |"dam-pate kalahe" |"dampatya kalahe caiva" |"fight between husband and wife, it should be neglected" |"fight between husband and wife, you should take like that. Don't take it seriously" |"fight between husband and wife-don't take it seriously" |"fighting between husband and wife is not to be taken very seriously" |"nobody takes very serious care when there is fight between husband and wife" |"war between husband and wife"

Lectures

Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures

Dam-pate kalahe, I mean to say, "war between husband and wife..." So these things are to be taken as insignificant. So, of course, in India the quarrel between husband and wife, nobody cares. Nobody takes very seriously.
Lecture on BG 6.32-40 -- New York, September 14, 1966:

One should note.

aja-yuddhe muni-śrāddhe
prabhāte megha-ḍambare
dam-pate kalahe caiva
bambhārambhe laghu-kriyā

Bambhārambhe laghu-kriyā. Aja-yuddhe, fighting between two goats... Now, they are very serious about fighting, and somebody comes, (claps) does like this, (claps), and they go away. The fighting stops. You see? So bambhārambhe, the attempt is very great, but the effect is little. Aja-yuddhe muni-śrāddhe: "And a ceremony observed by some sages in the jungle..." What they have got? They have got some leaves and flowers. That's all. What arrangement will be made? And prabhāte megha-ḍambare: "And in the morning, thundering sound of the cloud..." And similarly, dam-pate kalahe, I mean to say, "war between husband and wife..." So these things are to be taken as insignificant. So, of course, in India the quarrel between husband and wife, nobody cares. Nobody takes very seriously. The husband may complain, the wife may complain. Everyone says, "Yes, yes. That's all right. It will be all right." They never go to court for divorce. You see? But it is... There is no seriousness. And actually it is fact. I have seen a serious. They are divorced, but still, the husband is anxious for the wife, and the wife is anxious for the husband. The divorce is artificial. The husband and wife, the combination, that cannot be cut off. So one should tolerate these things. If there is some misunderstanding, they should not go to the court for divorce. They should tolerate. These are some of the rules for spiritual advancement.

Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures

Nobody takes very serious care when there is fight between husband and wife.
Lecture on SB 5.5.3 -- Stockholm, September 9, 1973:

And dāmpatya kalahe caiva. And fight between or quarrel between husband and wife. In India, there is no question of divorce. So nobody takes very serious care when there is fight between husband and wife. So there also: "I'm going to immediately leave you, going to kill you..." and so many things. But after an hour, everything is finished. No more quarrel. Dāmpatya kalahe caiva prabhāte megha-garjane. And in the morning, if you see big cloud assembly and thundering sound, but you rest assured. There will be no rain in the morning. So these things are bahvārambhe laghu kriyā. Ārambha, beginning is very gorgeous. But end is nothing. So that is not good, bahvārambhe laghu kriyā.

Whenever there is fight between husband and wife, it should be neglected.
Lecture on SB 12.2.1 -- San Francisco, March 18, 1968:

So dāmpatye... It is not only in your country. In every country. Because the age is like that. Dāmpatye abhirucir hetur māyaiva vyāvahārike. Māyā means false dealing. Vyāvahāre. Even in ordinary dealing there will be cheating and faultiness, even in ordinary. Even you go to purchase something from a store, oh, there is false dealing. Dāmpatye. Strītve puṁstve ca hi ratiḥ. And strītve, a husband and wife will agree so long they are sexually strong. That's all. Strītve puṁstve ca hi ratiḥ. Ratiḥ means sex. Formerly it was not the system. The husband and wife combined together as life companion. Even the husband becomes diseased and paralyzed, the wife cannot give, give him up. "Oh, he is my husband." Similarly, wife. Either she becomes diseased or so many things, the husband and wife combined together for life. There was no question of divorce. There was no question of divorce, even they do not like each other, even they fight. Fight there must be, whenever there are two men or woman. That is individuality. Therefore Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says, dāmpatye kālahe caiva bambhārambhe laghu-kriya. Whenever there is fight between husband and wife, it should be neglected. The formula of Cāṇakya Paṇḍita is given like this: Aja-yuddhe. When the goats are fighting, as it is very insignificant... If you understand that in the door two goats are fighting, you don't care for it. You see, a goat fight. So aja-yuddhe muni-śraddhe. And some sages are performing śraddhā ceremony. Śraddhā ceremony means after the death of one's father and mother there is great ceremony and the son spends lots of money. The father spends lots of money during the marriage ceremony of the boy and the girl, and the boy spends lots of money after the death of the father and mother. That is the system, Hindu system.

Whenever there is fight between husband and wife, you should take like that. Don't take it seriously.
Lecture on SB 12.2.1 -- San Francisco, March 18, 1968:

In the morning if there is thundering sound in the cloud, you should know it will not rain. It will never rain. That thundering may be very loud, but there will be no rain. That means you can neglect. As you can neglect the fight between two goats, as you can take not seriously the śraddhā ceremony of muni, as you do not take very seriously the thundering sound of the cloud in the morning, similarly, dāmpatye kālahe caiva, similarly, whenever there is fight between husband and wife, you should take like that. Don't take it seriously. But at the modern civilization, the husband and wife quarrel is taken so seriously that immediately they go to the court and there is filing of divorce, and the combination, the married life, dissolved, and both are unhappy. And this psychology is, as it is stated... I do not know, but probably it is right, that disagreement between husband and wife is due to sex difficulty. That's all. It is clearly stated here. Either the husband or the wife, if there is not complete sex satisfaction, one of them must be very unhappy, and disagreement and dissolution...

Initiation Lectures

Fight between husband and wife-don't take it seriously.
Initiations -- Sydney, April 2, 1972:

Once married, there is no question of divorce or separation. That you should remember. We don't allow any divorce and separation. The husband and wife, there may be sometimes disagreement, but according to Vedic literature, when there is fight or disagreement between husband and wife, it should be neglected. Nobody take it seriously. The Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says,

aja-yuddhe muni-śrāddhe prabhate megha-ḍumbare
dampatiḥ kalahe caiva bāmbhārambhe laghu-kriyā

Aja-yuddhe: "Fighting of the goats, and a śraddhā ceremony performed by the sages in the forest, and sounding in the sky, vibration of cloud, rumbling of the cloud early in the morning, and similarly, fight between husband and wife-don't take it seriously." You have got experience that rumbling early in the morning—never there is heavy shower of rain. There may be very great rumbling, but the result is very small, maybe some drizzling. Similarly, a husband and wife may fight, but if you don't give them any seriousness, they'll mitigate. That is the process. But in the Western countries, in the name of liberty, so many family lives are dismantled simply by this divorce case. So according to Vedic civilization, there is no divorce. Once united, it cannot be disunited in any condition of life. That you should follow. That is our first. So I think you promise this, all of you?

Conversations and Morning Walks

1971 Conversations and Morning Walks

We see between husband and wife also there is sometimes fighting. That is not taken into account.
Room Conversation with Dr. Karan Singh, -- November 25, 1971, Delhi:

Prabhupāda: (indistinct) some thousands of years. But so far our Indian history goes, we had two wars only, big wars. One war was Rāvaṇa and Rāma, another was between the Kurus and the Pāṇḍavas after many millions of years passed.

Dr. Singh: There's only two recorded wars.

Prabhupāda: That's all right. It was recorded. That fighting is going on even in the family. We see between husband and wife also there is sometimes fighting. That is not taken into account. But the major wars in the history of the world... Because India, or Bhāratavarṣa, means the whole world. Now it is cut into pieces. Just like twenty years ago, Pakistan is cut. This planet is called Bhāratavarṣa. Formerly it was known as Ilāvṛtavarṣa. Later on, after the ruling of Mahārāja Bharata... You know Mahārāja Bharata. After his name, this planet is called Bhāratavarṣa. And up to the Mahārāja Yudhiṣṭhira, there was one ruling all over the world. One king in this (indistinct). Then gradually... Why? The culture was lost. The Vedic culture was lost. Up to Mahārāja Parīkṣit, the Vedic culture was kept intact. Just like Mahārāja Parīkṣit, while he was going on tour of the Western countries, he saw one black man was trying to kill one cow. He immediately took his sword, ""Who are you? You are killing cow in my kingdom?" So that culture we have lost. Immediately he began, "With this sword I shall kill you."

1974 Conversations and Morning Walks

Quarrel between husband and wife should not be taken seriously. Let them fight. It will stop automatically.
Morning Walk -- March 27, 1974, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: My wife... I admit she's very nice lady. But I did not like her. (break) ...if he becomes so, he cannot become Aurobindo Ghosh. If he becomes attached to the wife up to the point of death, he never becomes Aurobindo Ghosh.

Guest (1): Tulasī dāsa, also, the same thing happened. No? Everywhere...

Dr. Patel: I was attached to my wife. And I used to quarrel every day.

Prabhupāda: Quarreling between husband and wife, that is natural. That is explained in the Cāṇakya Paṇḍita... Dam-patye kalahe caiva bambhārambhe laghu kriyā (?). The quarreling will be very humbug, big, but the result will be nothing.

Dr. Patel: Nothing. These American boys, they quarrel with their wives. The next day...

Prabhupāda: Because there is no...

Guest (1): They will immediately quarrel.

Dr. Patel: No, no, no. Here, because the Hindu... (break)

Prabhupāda: ...quarrel, my wife never thought of any other man; neither I thought of any other woman.

Dr. Patel: Why? Because of the background.

Prabhupāda: Although we fought, but there was no such thing. (break) Fighting is natural. This is fight of love. This is not fight... Therefore Cāṇakya Paṇḍita has said, "Neglect this fighting. Don't take it seriously." Dam-patye kalahe bambhārambhe laghu kriyā (?). This should not be... Quarrel between husband and wife should not be taken seriously. Let them fight. It will stop automatically. That's all.

1975 Conversations and Morning Walks

The husband and wife may fight. It becomes a very serious thing, but don't take of it as serious. This is Hindu philosophy. Husband and wife quarrel should not be taken as very serious.
Morning Walk -- May 14, 1975, Perth:

Śrutakīrti: That man last night admitted. He said, "Now I must leave and do my fourth-class activities."

Prabhupāda: Yes, that is fourth class. This is the proof. Fourth-class men administering... Just like misadministration not immediately detected. After some time, when the case is unmanageable, it is detected. Therefore fourth-class men. Simply these Western people, they know how to earn money by hook and crook. So, so long the money is there it is covered, the fourth-class men. And when the money is finished, they are exposed, fourth-class men. They're simply covered by money. No social structure, no spiritual understanding, no character, nothing of the sort. Still India, so fallen, you... 95% people, living, husband and wife, very peacefully. And in the Western countries after six months' marriage, divorce. Are they not fourth class? Even the husband and wife cannot continue peaceful life, what to speak of others. Now this rascal Jawaharlal Nehru has introduced divorce in the Hindu society. Otherwise in the Hindu society separation between husband and wife is not even dreamt of. That, it cannot be. However there may be quarrelsome, but there is no question of separation. Husband and wife, they fight, everywhere. I have seen. My father and mother was fighting. I fought. (laughter) But there is no question of separation. Separation, they never think. Neither the husband can think of, nor the wife can think of. Even in the life of Gandhi there was fight between husband and wife, and the Gandhi one day drove his wife, "Get out from my home." So she was put into the street, and she began to cry, "Where shall I go?" And then Gandhi ans..., "Come on." Yes. And Cāṇakya Paṇḍita said, bambhārambhe laghu-kriyā. The husband and wife may fight. It becomes a very serious thing, but don't take of it as serious. This is Hindu philosophy. Husband and wife quarrel should not be taken as very serious. They fight and again they live peacefully. Why this divorce? The divorce mean it kills the whole family life. The children goes away; the father goes away; the mother goes away. I have seen so many cases.

The husband and wife's quarrel should not be taken very seriously.
Room Conversation with Director of Research of the Dept. of Social Welfare -- May 21, 1975, Melbourne:

Prabhupāda: ...defect of the Western country is practically there is no social structure. The father, mother, they divorce, and the children become careless. Most cases this is the defect.

Director: Happens, yes.

Prabhupāda: I have seen many of my students, their family, whole family disrupt on account of father and mother, even in old age, divorce. I have seen Brahmānanda's mother. His father was very... still living. Very good businessman, very nice family, good income. All of a sudden the father and mother disagreed, they divorce. The sons were somewhere; the daughters were somewhere.

Director: That's cases we deal with. Adoption, and...

Prabhupāda: And the father married again, the mother married again. They were not happy, and the business also closed. So by one instance I can understand that how in the Western countries people become out of social structure. The root cause is godlessness. Root cause.

Director: And now divorce is getting easier too, isn't it?

Prabhupāda: That is very dangerous law to allow divorce. Divorce should not be allowed. Even there is some disagreement between husband and wife, it should be neglected. According to Cāṇakya Paṇḍita... He was great politician. He has said that dampatya kalahe caiva bahvārambhe laghu kriyā. The husband and wife's quarrel should not be taken very seriously. Ajā yuddhe (More quote by Cāṇakya) Just like fight between two goats. They are fighting, and if you say "Hut!" they will go away. Similarly, the fight between husband and wife should not be taken very seriously. Let them fight for some time; they will stop automatically. But the husband and wife fight, and he, as soon as he goes to the lawyer and he gives incentive, "Yes, come to the court." This is going on. So the first defect is there is divorce law. Another defect is that there is no method how to train a man to become first class. That is there in the Vedic civilization. Now of course in India that is also now abolished by degradation.

Canakya Paṇḍita says, "Fight between the husband, wife, never take it seriously."
Morning Walk -- November 2, 1975, Nairobi:

Prabhupāda: Unless the girl is grown up, she is not going to the husband. She remains with the father and mother. Sometimes they meet, and the wife is taught, giving some sweetmeat to the husband-official. Official. The parents of the girl: "Just go up to your husband and offer this." So she comes as obedient servant. But gradually they get the connection. In this way the love develops, and when they are fifteen, sixteen years old, they are allowed to live together. Because both of them have already developed that "She is my wife," "He is my husband," psychologically. And there was no question of divorce. The love is so strong, they cannot dream even that "I have to leave my wife," "I have to leave my husband." They cannot dream it. They may fight. The husband and wife fighting, that is not unusual. Therefore Canakya Paṇḍita says, "Fight between the husband, wife, never take it seriously." Daṁpatye kalahe caiva baṁbhāraṁbhe laghu-kriya: "They'll make all arambha, but it is not very important. Don't take." Next moment they will again live peacefully. So according to Indian culture, there is no divorce. There is no question of divorce. Both the husband and wife, they cannot dream of divorce. The love was so strong. Even Gandhi's life, he fought with his wife and pushed her out of the house: "Get out, I don't want you." And Kasturabhai, she began to cry on the street, "Where shall I go? You have driven me away." Then Gandhi said, "Come on." Finished. (laughter) He has written in his life.

1977 Conversations and Morning Walks

These are taken very lightly, no seriously.
Room Conversation -- January 5, 1977, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: They take it trifle. Husband and wife who are fighting, dam-pate kalahe caiva bambharambhe laghu kriya.(?) If there is fight between husband and..., it will be... The show will be very big, and the result will be nil. Bambharambhe laghu-kriya. "Never come to me! I shall not see your face! If you come, I shall kill you!" So on, so on. Then next moment they are talking. Bambharambhe laghu-kriya. These are taken very lightly, no seriously. Now they are going... Nowadays, in the court case, fifty percent of cases are divorce in India.

Hari-śauri: Same in the West.

Prabhupāda: And that is also younger age, no old. Old age, they are never... There is no such case. Only younger generation, within thirties, twenty to thirty, they are fighting.

Where there is no quarrel between husband and wife, all fortune will come there automatically. You haven't got to pray, "Mother Lakṣmī, please come to my house." She'll come.
Conversation: 'How to Secure Brahmacaris' -- June 24, 1977, Vrndavana:

Prabhupāda: The defect of the society, modern—the rascals are worshiped. Cāṇakya Paṇḍita has given all in his moral instructions. He said, mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante: "Where rascals are not worshiped..." But at the present moment rascals are worshiped. And he says. He was experienced politician. He said, mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante dhānyaṁ yatra susañcitam. "In the society where rascals are not worshiped and food grains are properly stocked..." Mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante dhānyaṁ yatra susañcitam... Another... Dampatyo kalaho nāsti: "And where there is no quarrel between husband and wife," tatra śrīḥ svayam āgatāḥ, "all fortune will come there automatically." Svayam āgatāḥ. You haven't got to pray, "Mother Lakṣmī, please come to my house." She'll come. Three things wanted. You should not give unnecessarily honor to rascals, and you should keep your food grains very nicely, and don't quarrel, husband and wife. Then you become fortunate. Just see. Check how these instructions are there.

Correspondence

1971 Correspondence

Fighting between husband and wife is not to be taken very seriously.
Letter to Ekayani -- London 31 August, 1971:

In spite of all your faults you will go to Vaikuntha because you are a great devotee. Don't create some abnormal condition. Please go back to your husband and live peacefully and execute Krishna Consciousness together. He will also not take sannyasa order out of frustration. You are an intelligent girl and an advanced student. You should know that our main business is Krishna Consciousness. So fighting between husband and wife is not to be taken very seriously. So if you have any respect for me, I request you not to quarrel with your husband. Live peacefully, chant Hare Krishna and try to serve the cause as best as possible. I am very glad that your mother is also taking interest in Krishna Consciousness. That is very good. As you have to leave Boston very soon it is better that you go immediately to N.Y. and live peacefully with your husband. That is my order. I hope you will not disobey me.