That is spiritual life beginning, controlling the tongue. Sevonmukhe hi jihvādau (Bhakti-rasāmṛta-sindhu 1.2.234). The controlling of the senses begins from the tongue. If you allow the tongue to eat anything in the restaurant or anywhere, then you cannot become the jitendriya. And if you can control the tongue—"My dear tongue, I shall not give you any food which is not offered to Kṛṣṇa, kṛṣṇa prasādam"—then the tongue is controlled. And kṛṣṇa-prasādam means patraṁ puṣpaṁ phalaṁ toyaṁ yo me bhaktyā prayacchati (BG 9.26). If you want to offer Kṛṣṇa something, we must know what Kṛṣṇa wants to eat. Just like if you call a friend, you ask him, "My dear friend, what do you like to eat?" Then it is etiquette. And that is going on. Similarly, you have invited Kṛṣṇa here. He has come. Don't think He has not come. He is here, sākṣād vrajendra-nandana-hari. The atheist may say, "Oh, these rascals are worshiping a stone," but that is not the fact. We are not spending so much energy and money for installing a stone. Stone is already there. Therefore it is forbidden, arcye śilā-dhīr guruṣu nara-matiḥ (Padma Purāṇa). If you think the Deity as śilā, means stone, and guruṣu nara-matiḥ, if you think guru as ordinary human being, vaisnave jati-buddhi, and if you think a Vaiṣṇava, "He is American Vaiṣṇava. He is Indian Vaiṣṇava," jāti-buddhi nārakī—you become nārakī immediately. These are the descriptions.
So jitendriya. A brahmacārī means jitendriya. Śamena damena vā. Tapasā brahmacaryeṇa (SB 6.1.13). Tapasā. Brahmacārī life means tapasya.
- tapasā brahmacaryeṇa
- śamena damena vā
- tyāgena satya-śaucābhyāṁ
- yamena niyamena vā
- (SB 6.1.13)
This is life. Not that extravagant life is life. That is the present position of India, that we have lost our own culture. Brahmacārī, gṛhastha, vānaprastha, sannyāsī—this is compulsory. Every child should be trained up as brahmacārī. Then, when he is completely trained up, if he still likes to get into married life or householder life, which is a concession for sex life . . . It is not required. According to Vedic civilization it is not required. You'll find, therefore, many naiṣṭika-brahmacārīs. Naiṣṭika means never any connection with woman. That is called naiṣṭika-brahmacārī. And upakurvaṇa-brahmacārī. Upakurvaṇa-brahmacārī means he is married, but not for enjoying. He is married and to beget nice children under the order of his spiritual master. He is also brahmacārī. If a gṛhastha abides by the order of a guru, he is also brahmacārī. So here it is said jitendriya. Suśīlaḥ mita-bhug dakṣaḥ śraddadhāno jitendriyaḥ. Senses should not be used extravagantly. The modern civilization is that if you can use your senses more and more, then you are civilized. Then you are enjoyer. So Vedic civilization is different. Their aim is different. The whole scheme is controlling the senses, especially sex, because if we become too much addicted to sex life, then our life is spoiled. This is this.
Therefore next line it is said, yāvad-arthaṁ vyavaharet strīṣu. With woman you should be very, very cautious and careful, as much as required, not free mingling. No. Therefore, according to Vedic civilization, there is always a separation between women and men. Here in India we find that whenever there is some meeting, the women are sitting separately; men are sitting separately. This is required. Not only that, you cannot talk even with woman unnecessarily, even with your wife. This is restriction. Therefore it is said, yāvad-arthaṁ vyavaharet: "as much as it is required." Don't talk unnecessarily, "Phish, phish, phish." That is very dangerous. Dangerous means in spiritual life. Yāvad-artham. Even with your mother, with your daughter, with your sister, you cannot sit in a solitary place and talk. This is restricted. What to speak of others, even with your mother.