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The girl must not be older than the boy

Expressions researched:
"The girl must not be older than the boy" |"We have not had good experience with marriages when the woman is older" |"boys of 15, 16 years, they are not married. At least he must be 20, 22 years. And girls are married between 12 to 16 years" |"generally the girl should not be older than the boy"

Notes from the compiler: VedaBase research query: "must not be older"@20

Lectures

Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures

In India still the boys of 15, 16 years, they are not married. At least he must be 20, 22 years. And girls are married between 12 to 16 years. That is the Vedic system.
Introduction to Bhagavad-gita As It Is -- Los Angeles, November 23, 1968 :

Kṛṣṇa at the age of fifteen, sixteenth year, naturally at that time boys are very beautiful, any, any man even. So He was so beautiful that they, all the gopīs prayed to Yogamāyā. Everyone prayed, "My dear mother, please give me Kṛṣṇa as my husband." So this is, but (indistinct) significance is the, that the day they prayed the next day there was... Perhaps you know that Kṛṣṇa's vastraṇaṁ-līlā. Vastraṇaṁ-līlā means... In India still there are places in Punjab when girls and women take bath they keep their clothings in the river, I mean to say, not in the bathroom. In the rivers, they keep their clothings on the shore, on the bank, and they dip into the water completely naked. So that place is completely separate for the women. No man can go there. That is the system still somewhere. They will take bath fully and they will come and again dress. And woman, woman, they are all naked, there was no shame. They, no man and no boy can go there. This vastraṇaṁ-līlā was that Kṛṣṇa stealthily went there and tookup all their clothes, and got up on a tree, (laughter) (laughs) with the clothings. And they cannot come out of the water. "Kṛṣṇa, You are very naughty. Give us our clothes. Give us our clothes." That was vastraṇaṁ-līlā.(laughter) The purpose was the, the people interpret in a different way, but the purpose is very significant. Only devotees can understand that all these girls, day before, they prayed to Yogamāyā that, everyone prayed, that "Let us have Kṛṣṇa as our husband." Now Kṛṣṇa was at that time only 15, 16 years, no older. In India still the boys of 15, 16 years, they are not married. At least he must be 20, 22 years. And girls are married between 12 to 16 years. That is the Vedic system. Neither it was possible for Kṛṣṇa to marry all the girls, but they all prayed. So how to fulfil their desire? That was vastraṇaṁ-līlā. The vastraṇaṁ-līlā means that according to any human civilization, system, a woman can become naked only before husband. So Kṛṣṇa fulfilled that, that "You are naked, I am before you,so I am your husband." That's all. Wholesale acceptance. That was the purpose. But the nonsense people they differently, differently interpret.

Conversations and Morning Walks

1977 Conversations and Morning Walks

The girl must not be older than the boy. That's not good at all.
Room Conversation -- February 27, 1977, Mayapura:

Prabhupāda: (reads Sanskrit) ...Aniya mahat-pado smariya gurave namaḥ.(?) In a short time he has learned very nicely.

sahasra-pa-parābdamnam
ācāryaṁ te māyāṁ sadā
kintu tvamsudaya śilā
tasmād tubhyāṁ namo namaḥ(?)
namaste prabhupādāya
śreṣṭha vedyaṁ dadāsi te
tasya padāśraya-kośaṁ
namaste gurave namaḥ(?)
oṁ śrīmad-bhāgavataṁ gītā
caitanya-caritāmṛta ca
sundara-bhāgavatam cami
bhaktiko manyave bhavān(?)

I am surprised that he has learned so quickly. Very nice.

Rādhā-vallabha: Very intelligent boy.

Prabhupāda: Yes. He should be given letter.(?)

Rādhā-vallabha: Anyway, he made one arrangement with another devotee to marry this devotee's daughter.

Prabhupāda: Hm?

Rādhā-vallabha: He is nineteen years old, and he made arrangement with...

Prabhupāda: This boy?

Rādhā-vallabha: Yes. The boy that wrote that. And he made arrangement with another devotee to marry her daughter at a later date. She's only twelve. So I've told him not to do anything until I spoke to you, because I don't think this has ever been done in our movement yet.

Prabhupāda: Hm?

Rādhā-vallabha: I don't think anyone has ever done this before in our movement, the Vedic system. So I had a few questions about it. First of all I told them that they shouldn't associate until the actual time that they get married. That's true, isn't it?

Prabhupāda: No, no, marriage, they do not speak. That is the disease in your country, that... There is no objection nineteen-years-old boy and twelve-years girl, it is very good combination, but the culture is so bad that after few days they will separate.

Rādhā-vallabha: Yes. That's the actual problem.

Prabhupāda: If they stick to have one husband and one wife, it is very good. Or even the man can marry more than one wife. That is allowed in the Vedic system. The difficulty is nobody remains as wife, nobody remains husband. It is very dangerous. That is against Vedic. Otherwise man can have more than one wife, but woman cannot marry more than one husband. But the system—the boys and girls intermingle so freely, and in your country there is no restriction—naturally it becomes adulterated. That is the danger.

Rādhā-vallabha: So he wanted to know that...

Prabhupāda: Knowing or no knowing, they'll not do with him. So what is the use of consulting me? They'll break. They'll promise and they'll break. How you can make them standardized? They will break.

Rādhā-vallabha: They have to be responsible people.

Prabhupāda: They'll never become. That is my experience. So what is the use of consulting me? They'll never become. Almost impossible. They'll not keep standardized.

Rādhā-vallabha: So it should just be up to them.

Prabhupāda: What is the use of consulting? They'll promise and they'll break.

Rādhā-vallabha: Yes, you were telling me in Hawaii about that, that that is the difficulty. They have no responsibility. All right, I'll tell him that.

Prabhupāda: Hm?

Rādhā-vallabha: I will tell him that.

Prabhupāda: Otherwise there is no objection. I married; my wife was eleven years old.

Rādhā-vallabha: You were responsible, though.

Prabhupāda: Eh?

Rādhā-vallabha: But you were responsible.

Prabhupāda: Everyone in India responsible. That is Indian culture still.

Rādhā-vallabha: Should... When they agree at this young age, they should wait till they get older, right?

Prabhupāda: Yes. Generally a girl attains puberty at fourteen years, thirteen years. In India because it is tropical climate... I think in Western countries they attain puberty not before fifteen, sixteen years. So although a girl is married before puberty, she is not allowed to go to the husband until she has attained puberty. Formerly, in our days also, after attaining puberty there is another second marriage. Then the husband and wife live together.

Rādhā-vallabha: Is there a minimum age for the man?

Prabhupāda: No. That is... Minimum age means generally the husband must be older than the wife, at least five years' difference.

Rādhā-vallabha: What is the most amount of years they can be different? What is the maximum amount of years there can be difference?

Prabhupāda: Man has no maximum. Even an eighty-years-old man can marry a sixteen-years-old girl. (laughter)

Rādhā-vallabha: Because this one devotee has a daughter twelve and he wanted to marry her to a man twenty-six, but he thought that was too much difference.

Prabhupāda: Yes. That is too much difference. But eight years, ten years usual.

Rādhā-vallabha: Eight or ten years is best. So he also wanted to know if...

Prabhupāda: That is healthy.

Rādhā-vallabha: He wanted to know also...

Prabhupāda: And in no case... The girl must not be older than the boy. That's not good at all.

Rādhā-vallabha: At the time of the agreement, when they are not yet old enough, they do not associate at all. So not until the actual marriage do they associate or wear white or anything like that.

Prabhupāda: No, even they can be married, but no association.

Rādhā-vallabha: No association. So the boy can be... If the girl has attained puberty say at thirteen, fourteen, even if the boy is only twenty, twenty-one it is all right. All right. I wanted to make sure. I wasn't allowing them to see each other. I wanted to make sure they weren't doing anything un-bona fide. So I'll tell him that. I have the... Jagannātha dāsa has done synonyms for Brahma-saṁhitā. For the Brahma-saṁhitā printing, Jagannātha dāsa has done some synonyms. Would you like to use the book also? I have the book here.

Prabhupāda: No... Yes. (Prabhupāda apparently looks them over) (break)

Correspondence

1970 Correspondence

Regarding marriage, generally the man should be older than the woman. We have not had good experience with marriages when the woman is older.
Letter to Rupanuga -- Bombay 4 November, 1970:

Regarding marriage, generally the man should be older than the woman. We have not had good experience with marriages when the woman is older. But everything must be done with reference to time, place and circumstance and in your country such a marriage is not uncommon. So if you think the match is good then you may marry them.

(PAGE MISSING)

1971 Correspondence

So far age is considered, generally the girl should not be older than the boy but in special case you can use your discrimination.
Letter to Karandhara -- Nairobi 9 October, 1971:

So far marriages are concerned, just use your discretion but be sure that marriage does not become a farce. It must be serious. So far age is considered, generally the girl should not be older than the boy but in special case you can use your discrimination. Sometimes it so happens that the girl is older than the boy. In India also sometimes it so happens that the girl is older than the boy in some provinces. So you can use your discrimination and do the needful.

Page Title:The girl must not be older than the boy
Compiler:MadhuGopaldas, Visnu Murti
Created:19 of May, 2010
Totals by Section:BG=0, SB=0, CC=0, OB=0, Lec=1, Con=1, Let=2
No. of Quotes:4