I can understand now that how much merciful was my Guru Maharaja that he forced me to take this life

Expressions researched:
"I can understand now that how much merciful was my Guru Maharaja that he forced me to take this life"

Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures

So I was afraid: "Oh, I have to give up my family. And I become... I have to become sannyāsī? And I have to go behind my Guru Mahārāja? No, no, it is horrible." I was thinking. But he forced me to it. He is so kind that he forced me, somehow or other. That is mercy. I can understand now that how much merciful was my Guru Mahārāja that he forced me to take this life.

Lecture on SB 1.8.26 -- Mayapura, October 6, 1974:

Therefore the Vedic civilization is voluntary giving up, voluntary giving up. Big, big king, Mahārāja Bharata, the emperor of the whole world, Bhāratavarṣa. Therefore it is called Bhāratavarṣa. At the age of twenty-four years, he gave up his kingdom, his young wife. There are many, many instances. So to become voluntarily akiñcana, "I have nothing. I don't possess anything." Here in this material world, everyone is trying to possess more—more wealth, more education, more beauty, more family prestige, aristocracy. This is materialism. And spiritualism means just the opposite. Therefore people are not attracted to spiritualism. I have told you that I was thinking when I was dreaming that "Guru Mahārāja is asking me to come out, and I was going..." Did I say this story? Yes. So I was afraid: "Oh, I have to give up my family. And I become... I have to become sannyāsī? And I have to go behind my Guru Mahārāja? No, no, it is horrible." I was thinking. But he forced me to it. He is so kind that he forced me, somehow or other. That is mercy. I can understand now that how much merciful was my Guru Mahārāja that he forced me to take this life.